A Perfect World?

thanks man.

ill get to your peice in a bit'.

this was quite a good peice,you have a lot of talent.I think if you tried your hardest you would be able to come up with a lot better than this,but none the less it was still a good peice,I was feeling the imagery in this and the structure made it easy to read and helped it flow well.There was dope vocab in this peice and your description was top notch right here.good job,keep dropping.

nice work :2thumb:

leave feed on this please
Opposite Worlds

thanks.

thanks alot. this took me about 45 minutes to write, as i said before.. i just wanted to get something out here.

ill rtf in a bit' tho.

up.

up.

up.

I loved this piece how....the guy's coming out of some indescript sweatshop.
and its like he's being promised this place where its perfect and theres a chance he got an Invitation.
then at the end its like:

How humans take pride in there work.. Even when they cheat or lie
Im not one to talk, or even brag.. And defiantly not ahead of terms
The truth is, there is no such place..

…

...............I just ask you spread the word...............

that part kinda even infuriated me....the line where you were saying we take pride in our work even when we lie and steal....that part was very deep.
made me think of parts in the bible talking bout' 'usurpers'...idk why...

rhyme scheme and multis were onpoint throughout the whole piece and you told your story well....maybe you were a little fed up with the world when you wrote this...if so it shined through and made this an even doper read....

pz and stay up^^^

Rating:9/10

This was pretty good. Had some decent imagery. Furthermore, the approach you took to the whole concept is what really made me read it; Just the approach. Because, I actually agree with Freeney. Your concept was not all that cultured, which to me .. didn't let the verse alone live up to its full potential. If you are going to use worldy topics / concepts. Make sure it consist of decorative flips for the public eye, so your verse will be received as an actual topic, and not a comparison.

- Dominic.