I just can't take it

^word

That was some deep shit homie. That was very well structured and the way it was worded caught my eye. I love it. Keep it up.

thanks dude

more feed please

man heaps of nice words there loved the complexity of it old style love that lordof the rings type shit right there keep it comming

thanks for the feed

The king-like stature of my oppressor , glares at me with malice
As I reluctantly crumble under the pressure, of his intimidating palace
I bow before him, merely a shadow in his presence, I cower with fear
My towering peer, makes it undeniably clear, that his power is here

good opener nice wording good flow i really like it

Flow:::: i liked it ur flow was very good all thru tha om i was impresed fo sho
Wordplay::: very good u had nice wordplay all way thru this piece this was deff a great piece
Vocab::: i luved it u had a nice vocab wit some pretty good an big words lol(i hate big words tho lol)
Topic:: was Great u stayed on it it fell off at times but for 98%u stayed on it which is very good an important

I tell them I hate them, their narrow minds can’t see what lies beneath
For too long I have clenched my teeth, and now they finally realise my grief
But it is too late for my soul, this world has turned my heart into an empty pool
My life is gone, it was cruel and my public school was the murder tool


great closer

ok, this was an awesome piece. i could keep up with the rhythm, you had nice structure, and your wordplay was good. overall, i liked this becuse i could relate to the topic. nice job, keep elevating. peace.

This was a well written piece. Clearly you have alot of talent, just a few things like structure and line length could use some tweaking... But aside from that you're definately on your way. The way you write is kind of like Jonathan's, the way you dont completely tech out your storylines, but rather keep it simple with beautiful detial and description. The emotion in this piece was ok, it never really struck me as amazing or anything but it was ok. Overall this was a strong piece... Keep writing and making that name man.

I'd apreciate it if you could return the favor:
"L.A. Reed Bought my Soul"
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287417

word thanks for the feed

yea word I'll leave feed now

This piece went together fairly well. Before anything, I'm going to say the same thing I say to other people; cut down the length of your lines. It makes the flow choppy. Besides that this was a nice piece. Wording your sentences is key and you pulled that off with a mix of good vocab and multis. Imagery was there, although not always seeming stable at times ( ideas weren't always clear) it didn't do much to harm the piece. All in all good job on this and keep it up.

thanks for the feed dude,and yea I'm working on cutting the length of my lines down.