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The content was very nice you used a nice display of emotion/imagery throughout your entire verse, your strong points consisted of that display and ur vocab used to inhance a complexity brought forth by ur imagery/emotion. The structure was a little uneven,making it a lil unattractive at first look, but that mostly irrelevant....Kinda like bounce said about alliteration, not so much jsut that, but i think you could use a little more tighter use of wordplay,multies,internals to really make it flow beyond what lies beneath the write (such as imagery etc).....Besides that i think you have a very nice write, it had its dope aspects, n things that you could tie n to make it greatness!....but regardless you did a very nice job, and worth every bit of the read!
keep on droppn...n goodluck in SS!
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This was nice man. I can really relate to alot of that. The darker side of life is so intriguing. Well done, imagery floated around from being words derivitive of the void to quiet resentful mournings... Until the end.. I like how you finished this. It really brought the piece together. Just exist, right?
The flow of the piece was exceptional. I myself have more of a beat-nick style, but yours seems methodical and mathematic. ill.
I don't know if you already do or not, but I would recommend reading some older literature... Though the vocabulary was intelligent, at certain points it just seemed a little... forced? Become more comfortable with your words and you become more comfortable with your writing.
I enjoyed this. Good job. 8/10
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Thanks man, much apprecitated.
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Upping, thank you for all the feed so far.
