holla.
Printable View
holla.
reformat it son!
woot.
up.
This was a strong piece man, I actually already read this in the SS forum but I didn't have time to vote on the battle yet. But ya, emotion and imagery were amazing in this man, you painted a perfect picture, and often while reading this I kind of felt, the things you were talking about. Not heart wise, but I mean when you were describing the cold chills I actually got a chill man... Lol that was magical. Only thing I DIDNT like about this was some of the wording and the flow. Alot of times it felt like you left out important connector words just so that the end flow would sound better, but to me that just slows down the flow of the content which is much more important.
"a sniper sits perched in the snow,
a faint glow from the settling sun, as cold winds begin to blow
he maneuvers over his side, making sure to blend at key points
Abnormal makings shifting reality, freezing cold cracking joints..."
Although the lines content in itself was nothing short of beautiful... I felt that last line just came off as so incredibly awkward. I dont know, I can't even describe to you why I feel that way cuz looking back I cant figure out why it actually sounds awkward... But it just does to me. But thats whatever man, cuz aside from that this was an incredible piece.
... I'd apreciate it if you could hit up my new OM: When the Artist Cries
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=280374
Really dope.
Liked alot.
Keep it up.
8-10
~Top
one more for some critisim.