Just Lost Without.....

this was pretty good but i think u could do better.....the imagery was iight and the vocab was also good...but i think u coulda fixed up your structure it was kinda strectched...but i thought this was a good topic and your piece was good...keep it up

check my om plz
1

ok everyone's playin follow the leader n saying the same thing atty n LM said. but still, thanx for the feed

uppin

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mr.NCredible

this was pretty good but i think u could do better.....the imagery was iight and the vocab was also good...but i think u coulda fixed up your structure it was kinda strectched...but i thought this was a good topic and your piece was good...keep it up

check my om plz
1

---

to add on i like how your verse really talked about we would be lost without, this line made me think about the topic alil more than i did

This would be to be without sin…such a person cannot win
It’s impossible to be without something that comes from within

but other lines did to, but anyway this was a good verse and everything was pretty good

thanx

uppin one more time

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Seneka

The piece wasn't too bad, the rhyming was simplistic to me, but the content was pretty good so my only suggestions are to make it flow a little better and use the multi syllables more often (you don't always have to, I'll drop a simple rhyme occasionally on a line). And you haven't written these in a while. I wouldn't worry, the skill will come back really fast.

---

I agree that this piece was very basic, but it withheld my interest with some of the everyday ongoing struggles that life presents itself with. For the most part, the vocab was pretty basic. However, the content of your writing kept my interest and I thought this was cleverly put together. Descent drop.

I dont care what the other ppl say dude. it is way better than i can do lol. im kind of knew to making raps and crap so you can call me a newb i guess.... i feel like one after reading all these other raps. i did like your rhymes tho, also your flow. VERY NICE! c ya