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i liked this piece, it kept me reading till the end, was interesting, a bit poetic, which is nice, but if would like to rap this i think itll be hard since the lines are not structured well, so its not flowing very well, but still okay. your vocabs for this piece were on point, so were wordplays, nice piece with emotions that i could feel.
See I was just a child - overcome with canonicals, I feared the phenomenal
& all the while, I had invincible principles that were more than probable
its imaginable - inciting not a hate, but a beautiful fate . . awaits
across the coarsed pathway to heavens gate. The irony only cascades
and evolves along the lace of life. . what a way to find my calling.
Money's appaulling, the penny fell & didn't drop, but I'm still falling..
while the time's still crawling. You know it gets fucking lonely being me
repeatedly, hesitantly watching death creap upto my family.
Only pungent fallacy's attract me, attack me - to kill my faith
I lie and wait, they pry and hate.. a steely mind they try to taint.
But I live on..
THIS PIECE WAS sad yet indignite but it was go0ood i loved the multies the vocabulary and wordplay was excellent.. the lines above were the lines that stuck out to me the most i loved the whole BUT I LIVE ON concept stayed well on topic no superman i loved it good om keep it up best i've seen on this site
Damn that was deep, emotional and great vocab. I liked how you put rhymes within ya sentences and kept a steady flow. Good rhythm and it seemed that ya lines were a little lengthy. Thats the least on my list but Ya did a solid piece and told a story quite gracefully.
Check my piece "Lost War" it would be deeply appreciated and I keep gettin replies from like new cats and u a veteran so thatll help. Thanks