The Never Ending Fairytale

I really liked this piece alot man. It didn't lack a single thing once so ever. The whole piece was very innovative in the sense of structural concepts and rhyme schemes. I loved how the structure never really stayed one way, but rather changed as the details and tones changed. The flow was amazing the whole way through but the best part about it is that even if you're not parcial to one of the ways you went at your rhyming the next verse brought upon an entirely different pattern of rhyming which in the end made the piece read even more creatively. Wow, this piece just really blew me away to be honest. The flow and the vocabulary were so intense yet never once did I lose a sense of authenticity... So even though you had such a beefed up vocab it still felt like you wrote what you thought and weren't at any point striving for anything but to just tell this story how it happend. The concept itself was nice aswell, seen it quiet a few times with different twists and slight plot variations, but this was definately leagues above anything else I've read. Uuuum, you know, not much else I can say because if I wanted to break down every possitive than it would take entirely too long... Loved the piece, it's nothing short of brilliant man.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=275365
^ Apreciate it if you could read that for me ("The Garden of Eden")

To be honest i've seen alot of concepts being used, and usually played out... But this was origional and obviously well thought out... The vocab used was very extensive and well placed, you didn't just place big words randomly to make your self look clever, which i tend to hate that alot do.
The imagery was also very well placed, i really felt the story you were telling and got heavilly in to it.
This was one of the better peices i have seen in a long time, i was extreamly impressed with your demonstrated talent... you know you should drop more om's man i have seen alot of yuor work and some of your earlier work, all of which i have been extreamly impressed with.

Well done on this peice man.

Please leave feed on this if you have time. thank you.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=278999

@ atticus

Thanks man, yeah I know the subject very well, I have an advanced degree in astrobiology(among others), I was bored and decided to take something groundbreaking in the science field. It's actually the last course of study I was in, which is strange to me, I'm taking a break from education for a while.

I just worry about telling a story grounded in science ans still make ti clear enough for the readers who may not have any knowledge on the subject. So I try to give everyone something, from rhyme scheme to deeper content housed in metaphor. This peice was one of those I actually applied myself a bit to, I mean it was for a match with SMZ. So I was hoping to take the stratigic appraoch to counter his verse with soemthing i thought would be a polar oppisite of what he was going to drop. I guess I look att the battles as a game of writen chess. I appreciate your feed man.

I have read your verse in the link, just have not replied yet, i will and I did enjoy it quite a bit.

Meh @ Dumbing down... If they don't understand than they've simply closed their minds. Pieces like this I love because although you reading and just vibing with the writers work, you're actually learning because you hit a bar, dont get it, so you go throw together a google search and there you go... You just self educated yourself without even really realizing you were even learning. And wow @ your backround of education. Lol, now I don't feel so bad that I've yet to reach a similar playing field. So, keep it teach :)

Sure that is true when I'm just writing, but in a battle you have to consider certian things if you want to win. I could expect to lose if I write as I did back in my poetic scriptures days. I've adapted to the way things go around here, but when I write for anything other than RB you'll see a huge difference. Most would be turned off if I went too deep and complex and I've seen it happen. That is why I don't put too much into these things, mostly that and the fact I have very littel time to sit back and write a verse. I have a small window each week...

i can tell that you spent longest on coming up with the concept. and just as you feel, i feel that is the most difficult part of writing. in this piece, you found a great angle. the way you wrote it shows that you know what you're talking about. I'm not a fan of conspiracy so its not the kind of angle i would normally pursue, but your portrayal of the angle was just as good as the thought. excellent syntax, unlike most people who try to connect rhymes with the sacrifice of making sense. and even better diction, i enjoy reading high vocabulary verses, shows time and effort. excellent piece, not the best i've heard from you, but its up there.

keep it up man.

peACE

hit up my piece if you see it, thanks.

this was a dope as fuck concept, and the entire viewpoint was just ill, immaculate vocabulary, as susal, and you have like an incredible flow.... i love the bar lay-out.... and the overall structure/storyline was ill as fucking shit too.... great vocabulary and the multies just helped the piece flow smooother...... good job

bla at dumbing it down. dont do that, it takes too much away from the piece

i'll leave feed later though cuz im in school right now. just letting you know that i did take the time to read

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate you guys taking the time to drop your thoughts.

parts i liked

Our plate replete w/fabrications wove in the fabric of which we think
Revelations script in ink, an exhortation of truth his creations seek
Foundations breached by conscience thought & the science sought
Defiance taught through the wars we've fought & onslaughts brought
by wicked men turned hot by the conflict of fires waged deep within
Convicts & friars enslaved by strokes of midnight madness called sin
Twilight creeps in & allows for the madness to vanish on calm winds
Kicked up by gentle whispers of a mothers nature in psalms hymned
Shimmering droplets of morning sweet dew bead on windows of reality
Glimmering goblets of mourning sweep through on winds of normality


and this

...Gripping binary scripts
of your species dimly lit bon fires of burning wit
...while churning grit
w/a mechanism of processed bits. Thoughtless glitch?
...or a God sent gift on the wings,
of a heartless bitch who sings in carbon blocks
...synched to atomic clocks linked
to a creators smock succinct in encryption locked
...deep in the building blocks
of a common stock, laid in path of a comets stop

and then this again

where tales were told the very veil bestowed upon the ancients of old
portrayed a 'Deity in Robe' who created the globe in seven days, it is told
in many ways to comfort you on rainy days & shelter you from empty ways
Truth is your GOD does not exist and the very reason your tribes persist
Is because I engineered you with an Iron fist contrived in the midst of war
with fits of gore and a blood thirsty warriors core poured over flesh, tore
from the carbon fabrics we harvest from Europas livid oceanic floors
You're but a petri dish of amusement in the grandiose scheme of all things
created in the rightful name of advanced science by advanced beings
labeled & sorted in pristine halls of universal records & informative wings

this was a nice ass drop sometime me and u shoud collab mann it would be real nice

9.7/10

This really isn't feed, so peep the reply I left in your thread...

yeah bounce this was a sick piece. its nice to see some real artists in the om forum. anyway, you picked a nice topic, you had awesome wordplay, and your structure was great. dang id love to do a topical with you. if you want to, pm me and i'll tell you the topic because my part is already written. nice piece bounce, pz.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by YungVik

yeah bounce this was a sick piece. its nice to see some real artists in the om forum. anyway, you picked a nice topic, you had awesome wordplay, and your structure was great. dang id love to do a topical with you. if you want to, pm me and i'll tell you the topic because my part is already written. nice piece bounce, pz.

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I appreciate the love man and if I had more time I would take people up on thier collab request. Truth is, I have very little time to write for the leagues I'm in here, plus the mediums I write for off the net, all the political writing i do. that on top of writing for my own music and all the shows we are doing. Dude I'm exhusted with all this, my career (which by far one of the most stressful in all of the enigneering fields) my music and my first priority, my daughter. I really would love to work with more of the writers here on RB, but I just don't have the time between everything I do. Sorry, maybe someday in the future...

^^ its cool......no prob.....yeah ya family comes before anything else lol..........and just to let you know ima girl lol. pz.

^ You know what, I should have known that, sorry mija.

It's funny, but most of the fans that come out to see the band, or like my music in general are girls. Hey, makes for a good times at the shows that's for sure. Guys hate, but girls love it, it's crazy like that. I should send you some dope shit, not that soundclick junk...