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nice drop here. it was hard to read but it was good. you picked a great topic for 1. i can see your a true topical artist. your structure was great, your wordplay was good, you sticked to the topic, and your opener and closer was good. keep writing. pz.
well I like the topic cuz you gotta give ya ups to God ya know but it was nice I can't hate but it just didn't have enough pain in it ya know that I can relate to but it was nice I appreciated it
Thanks, Uppin.
Give your fav. Lines.
Uppin.
I really like this piece here.You went really deep with the emotion with this piece.And how you opened it was really good cuz it really caught my eye.And the Imagry in this piece was real good in this piece.When I read the piece I could really feel what was going on in this piece.And also when I read it I could really picture what was going on in this piece.And your structure was good and your vocabulary was good too.And you had a good storyline for this piece too.Keep up the good work homie this is the first piece I read from you but its dope keep up the good work.
Ight..Thanks bro...
Uppin..
Feed please..
yeh yeh this peice was sick very deep emotional words i feel ur pain and turmoil too emotional but nevertheless its nice. i like the line were u say have they ever experienced the death of one sounds good keep up the good work dude.
Dude, I'm so impressed with this piece. Mechanically, its not the best I've read but you've come on in leaps and bounds with your writing. The emotion was there and never seemed forced one bit. Its a question that has been asked shit loads of times, and as you probably know, will never be answered. You hit all the right buttons in the piece itself, by not being too "over the top", and it drew me to read more. Honestly, you are a credit to OM. If more kids were like you, it'd make modding this forum a lot easier.. props, man.
ight....i liked this peice Jon...emotional and heart felt...vocab and everything was where it needed to be...never read any of your stuff this is the first time....to my eyes u should be nominated for a hall of fame,but thats just me....nothin was forced it seemed like in this and thats good cause alot of people force stuff sometimes which messes up the OM...but overall good job...look forward to readin more of your stuff.....9/10
-Quest
will yall please vote on ma battle vs. Tha_Tiger02. here is the link: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...2&page=1&pp=15
Yeah this was okay, but its lacking in creativity
Its also a piece that been done before
So you needed more to bring this one out for it too be hot.
Try topics not used or ones not so hard to follow.
stay up and keep writting
Ight.. Thanks Brix and Johnny..
Uppin.
iight I really liked this piece.Emotion was superb,it really was.Creativity was excelent along with great imagery and structure.I enjoyed this right untill the very end,this piece kept me reading not only cause it was dope but because it was intresting and I liked that.This was the first piece I read from you and lets just say it was a very good first impression.
pz....
Hm, there was definately a subtle charm to this piece. It was weird because there really wasnt anything in terms of content that was to jaw dropping or creative... Infact all of this is pretty played out, but something about your approach made this very apealing. I mean, although you had a very common and tipical god topic, what set this apart was its authenticity. The whole piece just felt very real and heartfelt, and it seamed like you were just talking rather then attempting to make some sort of masterpiece. That casual dirrection that you took really won me over. Everything else was average, the content was you know... Good but not awe inspiring, and ditto with the emotion and flow and what not. The emotion in this though was different, I recieved almost a child-like tone, so it gave purpose to the simplicity. I don't think any of this was even intentional on your part (Maybe it was) but either way it really gave your words a beautiful character to support them. Not bad man, keep elevating in those other fields though.