The Last Dedication

Peep Wv Nigga^.

no prob dogg...jus keep it up fa'real...

Imagery was wonderful, some of the vocab threw me off a bit. One line didn't seem to fit might need some re-wording

Quote:

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Blasphemous worms tarnish the man; abundant sparks light aflame

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Your structure was good.

Overall your allowed to join my playboy club :) J/P

Nice Drop :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Pakaveli

Congregational promises shattered, the wind destroys the willows
Rain pelts the windows, lonely figures readjusting cold pillows

Political theories applied, three witches stir the cauldron alight
Labourers, liberals and conservatives lay down the arena and fight

Blasphemous worms tarnish the man; abundant sparks light aflame
Chinese whispers commence, the first or last who is to blame

Forests are scorched; Mother Nature pained, she shouts and screams
Bubonic bodies plagued with evil, corroded by patchworks of dreams

The scorned world sombrely watches, as a man states his ambition
“I have a dream, that one day”…the sermon which began his mission

Tainted hordes of men rejected the truth of this virtuous man
The metal violated the flesh, single messenger massacred by the clan
The irony is immense; the dark waits for the messiah to bring them light
Crown of thorns as a gift, as man crucifies the answer to pain and plight
The last dedication is given, eat my flesh and drink my blood
The inscrutable men watch, as truth is buried in marshes and mud

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this was all sic fosho.. imagery was spectacular.. wording was simply poetic
u spitting sum crazy mettas now...
yeah u reaching those new realms of overstanding
nice

knockout scriptures

Yo, I'm a poetress and from the look of it.. u put some deep mentality n this dun fa realz...this is absolutely beautifully descibed...maybe we can hook up for a collabo sometime...get at me aight


puttin better feeed

i really liked the whole setup of the drop... i could relate because I write just like you... this shit was pretty damn good...

Arouse old man, the impending glory waits, to greet thy feet
Within the cocooned sanctuary of sacred groves, a juvenile is beat


i really liked those lines right there...

keep writing man, you got a lot of talent

9.2/10

Apologies for not replyin earlier to all y'alls comments, just came back ta peep Rb and yeah thanks for all a preciation just keep givin the love that encourages A DOG, BUT YEAH CRITICSM welcome

aight dog u came dope as usual :)

really nothin bad to say about this piece,straight shit

good work

yo pakaveli u are good rapper. heres the breakdown.
Creativity is no doubt a 10/10. BEcause u stayed on topic and ur topic was real shit dawg.
Wordplay 10/10. yo rap made me think about what u was sayin. not alot of raps do that.
What I liked: I liked every thang that u wrote. because it was crisp and clear.
What I hated: Nuthin. Keep doin what ur doin.
Overall Enjoyment: I like it. It had me excited ta read the next line. 10/10. I would give u an 11/10 if possible.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by White Dice

yo pakaveli u are good rapper. heres the breakdown.
Creativity is no doubt a 10/10. BEcause u stayed on topic and ur topic was real shit dawg.
Wordplay 10/10. yo rap made me think about what u was sayin. not alot of raps do that.
What I liked: I liked every thang that u wrote. because it was crisp and clear.
What I hated: Nuthin. Keep doin what ur doin.
Overall Enjoyment: I like it. It had me excited ta read the next line. 10/10. I would give u an 11/10 if possible.

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Thanks preciate the omments, good to see you enjoyed it

Yo That Dissorderly Shit Was Hot Cannon, Link Up. Philly 2 Ny Connection All Day Everyday Homie. Real Shit

The deepest shit i've seen in here so far.Excellent vocab very good pentameter.Overall a very fucking titht piece have a good holiday and drop some mo shit when you get back one
!

Preciate all the comments, thanks all y'all

Uppin' for more comments

You actually really suprised me with this drop man. You gave off a very newbish vibe so I was expecting some herb ass attempt at striving to be deep and meaningful, but you definately held your own with this piece. You have alot of raw talent, I mean, you had pretty dope imagery throughout the whole piece, incorperated in nicely with alot of emotion.

"Congregational promises shattered, the wind destroys the willows
Rain pelts the windows, lonely figures readjusting cold pillows"

I looooooved that bar right there man. Very dope imagery and emotion that actually flowed very nicely. Overall this was a really good piece, one thing you've got to work on is your grammar. You had alot of little spelling and spacing errors in here that made the read slow down and killed the flow alot of the time because I'd have to stop and figure out what you were trying to say. Also, work on breaking up your pieces more... Rather than posting in a lump some like this, chop it into like 3 verses to give the reader a break and so that the piece doesn't apear so intimidating at first glance.