Remember i will

yo bloodz...this was hot...thats wat i like to see from ya man...good vocab an nice flow...keep it up homey.......9/10

hot shyt my nigga .....

yo my nigga that was hot shit...keep it up...

Good projection of emotive content, you have improved in that aspect, although you could have done better with somthing so close to home. I would think with a little more work on your rhymce schemes, word choice for diction, and imagery in terms of vivd description you could make OMhoF. With that said, your flaws in this peice will keep you out, there were too many issues, from word choice to count, to scheme but your emotion did come through on this peice and that is one of the tougher detials to nail down. I want to feel your pain, not just read about it, dude you had so much potential in this drop but you failed to nail it bro. There are so many things you could have done to this to up it's caliber, right now it read like something anyone could have thrown together without having a real attachment to the ordeal. I know I'm one of the tougher critics around here, but dude if you take my advice and work on some of these issues, you'll be dropping dope shit in no time. Right now it's average if that. Dig for it man, go with a new post 1988 rhyme scheme because if not, you will never do justice to a write...

chorus:
mourn i will not, remember i will
the memories of my friend are forever instilled
mourn i will not, remember i will
the void left in my heart though will never be filled
mourn i will not, remember i will
untill i meet my grave, ya memory will never be killed
and though you gone from this world, know ya legacy sealed
cause you my dog for life, and still my dog in death for real

(fade out)

^Choruses are shit. DO NOT ever use them again if you want to get better. Honestly you could use a lot of elevation. Although the topic touched people, they do not realize how much better than this Text writing can get. It's not like your speaking it. It's like you're feeling it under your fingers. Use less slang, more proper grammer. Use complicated ideas and meatphors, throw in some good Irony here and there. You got a lot of room to elevate but you'll get it soon. DON'T USE CHORUSES...

*~Big Nash~*

shit was hard no doubt I liked the chorus thats what really brought it to life the flow was nice not great but with a cold hook like the one you got for the song shits hot also I loved the pain in it ----- I feel you ya know

thanks for tha feed uppin

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nicee good topic I think lots of people felt it i think the structure was on flow was like 7/10 I dont know what to say really tight tight TIGHT! ryme skeme was on par

p.s i dont relli know what i am talk'n about

nice piece i liked the way you took your emotions and wrapped them all through the text, its a hard subject to get deep on but you suceeded, all in all flowed nice and good wordplay. Homie nice drop but don't take the blame, feel it but don't take it

You will need to leave better feedback on your links. Or this will be closed.
I have pm'd you too.

-Brix

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