lol...
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lol...
Penis.
jonny boi
feed my first om hoe!
*smacks Crime*
get outta this thread.
Uppin.
*spits on jon*
im gone.
Uppin..
Uppin.
Uppin.
Uppin. Damn getting slept on.
Street fights, late nights, trying to make a living the hard way
Worring about his life, dwelling on his concrete curb all day
It was tempting to comfert him, but my whim soon took over
Remembering back when, we believed luck came from clovers
I walked by, seeing he was hung over, and gave him a kind smile
He saw me and said "Hows it going, havent seen you in a while"
"Same here, things not goin to good for you eh?", I said nervous
He said suprisingly "I've never had a better home then this curb is"
^Loved that. It was so easy to read and although the actions of the statements seemed to be pointing toward excitement and suspense, it seemed to soothingly draw you into it. I loved that about this. You're writing seems to be while written and experienced. You have some faults, like your storyline was so abrupt with an ending. The kid just died.. There was no curve or twist to the storyline. This was nice and deep but you didn't throw in a twist. You need to work on your storytelling and add amazing concepts and things to this. Work less on the affirmative grammer and shit and more on individuality and originality. you deffinatly posess talent. Just unlock yourself and use it a little better. Love ya, pz.
Thanks.
Uppin.
Uppin..Once more.
your shit was deep man aside from a lil gramatical error good shit man
He came to school, wearing nothing but ragimuffins
Always avioding vocal abuse, gets treated like nothing
You can find him in the corner, almost always embarrassed
No money for lunch, in tramendous debt he confessed
13 and writing like this stay up cuz if u continue like this u never know..............................
Damn, thanks.
Uppin.