Printable View
This was a decent peice, ur had ur decent share of multis that a good Om trait would need, i liked how even though it was pretty short u stretched out the verse so i didnt look like it, ur emotion was nice and ur imagery was decent, some of ur lines were confusing but this was still pretty awesome.
Dont post again just edit your post.
To Bad I Already Did.
Whore... and btw all word don't start with captial letters.
your intro was nice, good vocab and emotion` i think its a shame that you continued with bars after that, yet they werent bad but they didnt make the piece as a whole solid imo, i will quote some lines i liked..
From someone close to heart dead or an excited kids gaze
In a phase of "worst nightmares" change their ways to "good days"
It seems I’m just a hastily burning out match, yet an egg awaiting hatch
Trapped in a room, impossible to find the exiting latch
though it could be reworded better, try using more multis` and a metta on its time wont hurt your piece aswell.. but i liked this, nice written man.. keep at it