The Note

blah, slept on :(

Man this was awesome! Very nice piece, it was completely put together well in my eyes. Everything connected wonderfully. I liked the way it was laid out in letter format, ive seen others do it, but I must say this was the best that I have seen, very well written here man. The ending was very nice I thought, little twist to it in there. Thanks for the feedback on my piece, Very nice piece here, Looking forward to seeing more of your stuff!

Thanks Credz, ur feed is much appreciated.

up!

Pretty cool I guess, kind of played out. But its ok because you're sort of a beginner in the topical side of text, and i think you're doing a good job of showing these mediocre kids how its done. The flow was nice, everything fit well here, and I enjoyed the read. Good job man. pz.

nice for a first topical you said liked it could of used a little more imagrey and emotion you know what i mean and make it a little more complex dont just throw shit out there make people think about it for a second like wow did he just really say that other then that i liked the concept and i liked the ending but i was felt wanting more like it wasnt completed all the way could of used more....dont think i am jumping down your throat cause you have potential and thats what i wanna help you with as you are my crew buddy stay up and i would like to help you elevate in the future sya up no hate

Actually, minus the multies and rhyme scheme, this is one of the tightest drops Ive read in this forum this month. The imagery is there, and the twist at the end was unexpected. Very well depicted, right the way through this, smooth transitions, the wording worked well. I thoroughly enjoyed this. The thing id say to work on would be your rhyme schemes and multies, because that would help your flow no need, and if you could combine those with this level of writing - you'd be a great overall addition to the topical league here. You remind me of early Issue. You write very similarly. None the less, there's great potential here.

Keep at it.

Thanks for the feed and critisicism Tim and Cam, its much appreciated, especially coming from the status of writers as u two. Once again, thanks alot.

tight peice good subject and wordplay keep spitin homes

automatic you are really coming up on rb... collab??

anyway, cool piece the topic was srot of played out, but nonetheless you used it well, you seem to need work on your rhyme scheme, the twist at the end was written well, but you could amke the scheme a little more complex, there were multies scattered throughought, but not a lot, but those are unneccessary, spicer uppers, but stiil, needed for a truly dope piece, good job, keep writing

check yuor pms if ever get aorund to a collab request

Siege, a collab would be dope. PM me with a topic and lets get at it. Thanks for the feed too, its much appreciated homie.

i really enjoyed readin ur piece...it was xtremely emotional and i espec. liked the twist @ the end--props
as 4 the Letter format...dis was 1 of the best i eva seen!
i'd agree dat dis is prob'ly 1 of da best dis month so CONGRATS!
def keep postin & lettin us c mo'

chk my OM and leave sum feed if u gtz the chance tho -- Gracias!
-Mari

"Letter From A Ryder"
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=270190

Yeh..

Your topic was played out in a way, but i havent seen it done in a proper letter form like you did here.. Loved that twist at the end, was perfect for it was completly unexpected as all twists really should be, Very nice imagery in some of your lines also.. Overall a very good read..
Only critisism would be that your flow was hard to follow and therefore made your piece harder to read.. work on that.. will be looking for more from you

Return the favour..
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...63#post3937263

Thanks alot.

i def liked dis piece...i neva seen a "note" type piece like dis dat was on point
ur vocab worked wit ur flo nicely & da imagery u created was def str8
i def liked da twist @ da end cuz it wasn't like wat people normally call a "twist"--u made it live up 2 its name--PROPS
i think dat altho i liked ur flo throughout da piece, it def coulda b elevated, if u used more complex vocab u'll b able 2 capture xactly wat u tryn 2 say mo ezily...complexity will come wit da topic tho so keep dat in mind...jus keep postin & u'll b aiight ~1~
-LL