Red

Uppin

liked the last line, but as a whole didnt care 4 it 2 much, good concept tho, flow was sometimes on - sometimes off, it would of been better if u had taken out like half of it and only kept the lines that held meaning - wasnt feeling the length, its possible, but u need to elevate if u want to keep sumone's attention long enuff to have a poem that simple, neway - like percept said - just keep editing as ideas come to mind, should make it better
5/10