Death By Electricution

word....upp

Meter was way too choppy, along with an akwardness brought on by your word choice.
You could have used better diction in this peice for sure. Many lines were hurt by the akwardness. I did not like your word choice, or the scheme you went with. You didn't develop the peice as well as it could have been, but not as bad as some of the newer members here. Lines were stretched and rhymes were forced, you might want to stick to a count and stay with it. You don't need to center everything, your strucutre could use some help too.

thanks thats what i call feed...

rise.........