thanks for all the feed.
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thanks for all the feed.
rise.
leave links..
nice stuff homie. like you told me. would sound better on audio.
keep it up. smile.
thanks for feed.
rise.
Not bad for a first attmept, but you have a ways to go as far as originalty goes and being able to compete with the elite heads here. Your scheme was cookie cutter, meaning just done to death. You did however keep me interested the entire read, but mostly looking for ways you could have improved. You lacked complex imagery and emotion in this peice, also diction was not that great. For some of these kids it might be good, but you really have a way to go. Nice tho, and it looks as if you want to put something into your writting rather than just half assing it. I think a less predicable approach to topic, and a more complex rhyme scheme along with much better description would be the first thing to work. Then you just elevate from there.
word homie, i understand what u mean. And ya, after reading some of the HOF OM's i realized i need alot to go before i can get there. Im starting my next one soon, and ill upp the rhyming and complexity. The few topics ive thought are pretty original, i think, as I have not seen them so far myself.
Thanks for the feed homie, that is the type of feed I am looking for by giving me ways in which I can elevate.
that shit was good as hell...i like the word play and flow...u had good vocab...it was good because i could relate to this...good good work on this
thanks.
rise.
leave links.
It's good that you went into detail, however at points you could trim it and decide what was necessary for the story. It's good that you said you've been reading other pieces, hopefully you'll discover techniques that you can use for your own pieces. Starting with the action is a good way to get the reader's attention. It also however can make the buildup not as dramatic. Thanks for checking out my piece.
thanks for the feed.
For a first time topicer, that was ill. Words linked well with others, vocab not too strong, but with time it will stand out, as well as make ears listen to what your really saying. Keep up the good work....7/10.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=257078
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=257085
word, thanks for feed.
ill hit up ur OM's later.
this was nice fam...first topical it was fire...you content was deep..
the flow was consistant...imagery nice, emotion real gud...only thing
you need is vocab...i see elevation quickly...noot much more i can say..
i liked this piece...simple as that
thanks.
rise.