thanx *coughcoughocoughfcough*
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thanx *coughcoughocoughfcough*
dam hella creative, on a terminator slash fucken matrix tip...
flow was nice, vocab was fire, content fa some sci fi shit
was surpisingly deep...GUD SHIT FAM...i cant see anything
to really elevate on...seems you got ya style where you
want it...i only saw one stretched line...i didnt think worked..
and you had already used this concept previously in ya pieceQuote:
Woman start adjusting their time around battery powered
penises, stuck intravaneous, taking late Saturday showers
but i aint hatin on yaa fa that, cos ya skillz is hella evidentQuote:
to turn them off, even cleaning his body'll need power
from machines to brush his teeth. Washin' in the shower
stay up...im out peace...this is a link to a piece of mine
appreciate ya opinion
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=256641
aight thanx... i hit up you piece now upppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp mine
rice
rawgky rawgly
uppin this shit
I think this could have been much better, it had an epic feel, but failed to deliver. Might be that you rushed though it, but none the less was real good. I think creativity cold have been upped, I know kids are saying this is creative, but we've seen the topic here many many times. Not to mention the damn movie, but even for something not so fresh, you added a little something to it. I kind of got away from the letter box strucutre since I was one of the first doing that, but now too many writters think that is the only strucutrue to use. It's great when you can match up your syllables in each line, but that hardly makes a great write or audio verse for that matter. Too many kids here think square is it, when they should be paying attention to the count, not the asthetics. That is the reason I stray from that structure now days, when I did it way back when, I made sure my count was on. Once you write for audio verses you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. Now days my strucutre emphasisses the meter of a piece. I'm trying to get more of the newer heads to grasp that here. I feel you really needed to come better as far as diction goes, you could have really nailed this with just a few tweeks. jUST SOME MINOR DETAILS, THAT IS ALL i CAN SEE THAT NEED ATTENTION. Great job and thanks for contributing good stuff to our OM forum.
thanx
rise
hey this pretty more than good..nice structure and vocab was crispy
good story...yo i wrote something similar in my alias name vortex, "Sci-fi vs Reality" a while back but you went into more depth and artistic qualities with this piece
nicely delivered good rhymes all around start to finish
nice
ill have to battle you topical some time
Holl@
done^^^
anus
back to the top
4th up in a row, kids this aint a pillow
very creative, nice idea.. very true stuff. i read it like it was a story, so it was very smoothe