Record, no hate to you, but you really gotta stop acting like a vet.
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Record, no hate to you, but you really gotta stop acting like a vet.
Well given this battle is pretty much decided, Andres I'm going to break down your verse for you since you were such a nice sport to me.
yea my name is andres, but i aint no latino, to tell you the truth
if i was lying, i guess thats the only way,.. i'd get Hurtz by the Trus
Okay, you tried to do a nameplay on me. Everyone knows that nameplays on me are played and boring so basically what to learn from this is, don't try nameplays on people with lots of posts or older join dates.
so u wanna be king of the rap world?..hahaha.. well, good luck trying
cuz if i said you couldn't be king, i'd be like simba, except i aint lion
The lion concept was actually cool. You just didn't use it well. I woulda made the punch something like this. "Heard ya admit to bein' wack n' gay so listen n' pray // You're not lion... you couldn't scare NO ONE AWAY" This could be much better, but the idea I'm trying to show you is, i basically called myself gay and wack in the setup. Then I said I'm not lying, but when I used the lion wordplay, I used dots to change the meaning of lion so this punch has a double meaning, I'm saying i'm gay and wack, but also I'm not a lion and can't scare no one. Read more examples of wordplay to see how this works.
ill slow down my offensive lines, so to you, it wont be very confusing
they say great D wins championships, so then why are your Ravens losing?
First off, I'm not a ravens fan, lol. Yea, they're my home team, but what this goes to show is I would avoid using stuff from people's profiles. They're rarely effective because we dont' know much about each other. If your going to use personals, they have to be well known and true. If everyone on the site knew I was a ravens fan, this might have been better. Also, this punchline is played, but you shoulda written it like "N' if D wins championships, why haven't ya won yet" (Cuz my name is D), that woulda hit harder
man i have a real appetite for women, so dats why last nite i was wit ur girl
they say u are wut u eat, so i guess this guy's the first cock in the world
you basically executed this punch okay with the wording. The thing is, it's one of the most played punches in the book and everyone has seen it. When you write, try to think about how hard the punch was to think of for you. If it came very obvious, it also probably came very obvious to others and therefore is played. Also, avoid any sort of cock jokes, just trust me.
u really need to up ur talent, go ask a legend if they could help you
forget it, u'd have to suck dicks cuz thats the only AID they'll give you
The aid wordplay was cool, but coulda been better and again, nothing with cock/dick jokes. Here's what I woulda done,
"American soliders are dying, go get in the trenches n' dirty
But at least the bitch is coming with aids.......................
........................................cancer and genital herpes"
In this example, once again, I setup one meaning of the word aids, like help, then in the punchline I changed aids and added cancer and genital herpes, lol
to you, i know i dont even pose a threat at all, but let me really start rappin
yea i know, the chances of me winnin are like Jay and Nas endin beef,....
.................................................. but wait, didn't that really happen?
This is really just a statement. So all you said was basically that there's a chance of you winning, but so what? You know what I mean? That doesn't really punch me on anything. Make sure every line you write is an actual diss
Andres, you improved a lot in this battle. That nasa space punch I wrote woulda hit much harder if you had kept your old style in here, lol, but it's good you fixed that. This verse looked far less newbish than the last one, so good job on improving, but you still as you can see have a very long way to go. Take these tips and keep elevating your game. It takes time, but if you work at it, it pays off. Good luck - Trus
yea my name is andres, but i aint no latino, to tell you the truth
if i was lying, i guess thats the only way,.. i'd get Hurtz by the Trus
Even if this wasn't played its weak.
so u wanna be king of the rap world?..hahaha.. well, good luck trying
cuz if i said you couldn't be king, i'd be like simba, except i aint lion
meh, alright.
ill slow down my offensive lines, so to you, it wont be very confusing
they say great D wins championships, so then why are your Ravens losing?
naw.
man i have a real appetite for women, so dats why last nite i was wit ur girl
they say u are wut u eat, so i guess this guy's the first cock in the world
no.
u really need to up ur talent, go ask a legend if they could help you
forget it, u'd have to suck dicks cuz thats the only AID they'll give you
no.
to you, i know i dont even pose a threat at all, but let me really start rappin
yea i know, the chances of me winnin are like Jay and Nas endin beef,....
.................................................. but wait, didn't that really happen?
naw, didn't like this, too stretched.
you had one or 2 decent lines the rest were blah.
vs.
I heard ya got riches n' bitches n' that ya can blast geeks
I guess that means your the man...
... who won WORST battle of last week
lol
I read that verse, damn, watch me punch where it hurts
NASA found a new fucking planet with all the space in that verse
^^ok.
Ya verse ain't hittin' the hardest n' this fag ain't the smartest
Ya shit makes such little sense, I mistook you for an artist
alright
So who's wackest of the league? When it comes to crunch time
It's not untold, it's been WELL SAID you belong in front lines
pretty coo
Fuckin' punk, I hate newbs, think ya good? you ain't dude
I'd bring an A game, but then I'd drop wack n' played too
nice
Takin' the league by a storm, watch as I'm spinin' through
But gimme a Seck, cuz he's almost as easy of a win as you
meh.
v/Trus.
Andres
No quotables imo. You dropped very played and some of your punches just mad eno sence. I know set ups dont really mean much but, some of your set ups were just dumb. Try to get them to lead into your punch, it makes it more hard hitting. Just drop some fresher concepts next week and learn to word them right.
Vs
DTH
Fuckin' punk, I hate newbs, think ya good? you ain't dude
I'd bring an A game, but then I'd drop wack n' played too
Dope. I liked how you worded this.
Average verse you had other ok lines but the one above is the only one I really liked. The Nasa punch could be ok I just didn't like how you used it. You had some other stuff that could have been better worded or just didn't hit that hard imo. Im not going to critique you that much because I know you didn't have to put in to much effor and I know you drop better than this when you have a challenge.
v//DTH
Word.^Quote:
Originally Posted by Vaskez
No offense though nig.
thanks for the feed.... i got a lot of info from this... thanks all
I can come up with a fresh nameplay on you DTH :D If we get put against each other, you watch, hehe
trus wins
DaTrusHurtz (3-0)
Andres (2-1)