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Nice piece, obviously you know i like the dark concept pieces so i was really feeling this piece. The imagery really stood out to me very dark and really descriptive you had my attention after the first couplet which is good its always good to have a good opener it draws people into the piece straight away. And you kept my attention throughout the whole verses.
Vor i thought your verse was slightly better because you mixed in some multies and your vocab was also slightly stronger. But i still felt both verses gelled together for a good Om. I couldnt really criticise the piece except that mami coulda added in a couple of multies to make the verse more complex.
A good read and i loved the concept.
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loved this, original topic,drew me in from tha first line,nice flow, and structured very well
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thanx uppin 4 any more feed u got
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good looking out yo
I just realised mami is 14
uhm good skills gal
ups
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Good shit.
Let me start with Vortex's verse...Great vocab man...Flow was real good to, not that hard to follow. Had some good imagery and the concept was pretty unique. That was some elevated readin type shit...good work man.
Killamami1- Flow was good...some of the was a little bit longer but that really doesn't matter that much. You had good concepts but I think you could of been a little bit deeper. Shit was still hot though for real.
Overall it was a hot collab...both of ya'll keep doin ya thing...Peace
-Play-Boy
The Optimist
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I really like the topic yall picked and it had a good storyline.But theres a couple of things yall need to work on.First wordplay was too simple try to use more complex wordplay.Second try to use more emotion in yalls verses it will make it way better.But the Imagry was good.Try to use some multis if you can and use more complex words
check out my om Life situations
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both verses were hot, i was feeling both verses you both stayed on topic and had nice vocab. thr rhymes was tight, some lines seemed stretched at times but the flow was tight as well as i read, as i read i noticed that sometimes it didnt rhyme so try to be careful when you right so that if oyu tryna rhyme the shit, it actually rhymes at alltimes. it was still hot just messed up a little with the rhymes
return feedback to my drop please
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=242018
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HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she's only a younga than me, dope rhymes 4 ur age, girl
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thanx all yall....pleze dont underestimate mami bekuz im yung tho....datz all im sayin ;) well uppin 4 feed and yall leavin som good thought out feed....me and vortex appreciate dat thanx!!!!
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thanks yo
i'd add is you meant Ladie that some of my lines dont rhyme.. then you must of missed the multies and internal rhymes (inside the line...i call it rhyme variation and assorted rhyme scheme play...gotta follow the whole line to see it not the end of the line and the next one
pz
up tiddly ups
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*cough* kinda empty in here
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