I'm not sure... only the writer can name their work.. but just something shorter/less descriptive.. or just as descriptive in an abstract way with a shorter title.. if that makes sense.. pz
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I'm not sure... only the writer can name their work.. but just something shorter/less descriptive.. or just as descriptive in an abstract way with a shorter title.. if that makes sense.. pz
Sick shit born, you caught me right before i was gonna write so im not gonna take forever to drop a reply but your shit was dope. The vocab isn't what i consider in a peice, but the vocab here was dope. The flow was good and the dynamics were all perfect. nice job. return the favor after i write something
You got it, my man...
Thank you.
A good topic Born, you should drop on here more often. It was a straightforward story, but poetically worded and well narrated to grab a readers attention. You combined strong imagery and just the right level of vocab with some solid multi's here. The end to the story was a great twist and made it worth the read. You kept my interest throughout. I see you've already picked up a nom for this piece. Good work man.
Keep writing, and please return the favour: http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=231715
Damn, as a father that touched me deep man. That last line fucken killed me bro. Well done, you nailed the emotion and anyone with a child could tell you this was on point from start to finish. I know for a fact that was hard to write (topically), you have to kill a portion of yourself to even begin to describe what losing YOUR OWN child is like, fiction or not. I have always strayed away from that, each time it is just too much to deal with emotionally, so I twist things a bit when I write like this. I am sure you were drained when this was completed and I know that last line must of been felt in your body and soul. Good job Born, you really pulled a reaction out of me, and anyone who has ever been subject to my feedback knows that doesn't come easy. You made this take on an OM original and familar at the same time, not an easy thing to do. Technically you held down all aspects of a solid verse, from assonance to a well planned out scheme. That keep the story alive and vivid without awkward interuption due to poor design. I read this many times and found no issues with the meter, everything was well balanced. Emotion, imagery, and description were solid. Your lines were well thought out and transitioned perfectly for me. I was not left feeling this lacked anything other than a statement telling these people YOUR daughter is fine. I knew that, but from the read anyone could be led to think otherwise. Great twist within the story line, and I love how the driver made a last minute desicion to NOT plow down the same path that lead to his own agony. It'll take a mature set of emotions to fully grasp just how good and impacting this was, so don't let the children in here take anything away from this peice. For a father to even attempt this kind of write is tough enough alone, more so when his world is his daughter. Much props to you man, like I said that would be really tough for me to attempt. I respect the fact that you did and pulled it off so well.
Quick note, great use of an emotionally paralyzed father evolving into the physical, very powerful suggestion there. This really knocked the write out the ball park, complex symbolisim applied in a very low key manner. Great!
I wuv you, Bounce!
this had a feeling to it, i liked the emotion, the topic was very nice, i enjoyed reading this troughout the whole peice....rhymes were really good, vocab was here, complexity was definately here as well, flow was smooth, structure was well layed out, i liked it a lot, keep it up man, you got sum dope skillz
can you return the feed for my dfrop one night, thanks
dope pice born. the vocab was real good on this. prolly some of the best vocab ive seen in a while, u didnt over or under do it it was right on key. Someone else already said this and yes u do need to change the title. This whole piece flowed together real well and the structure was real good. the topic was cool havent really seen much like it before so it was cool to see a good topc come together. the emotion through out was all good so good job on this piece.
check out my drop
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=232694
Bump!
ok ok.... very nice verse..... the vocabulary was very excellent.
you had a good flow as well for your structure, i enjoyrd readin every bit of this.... alot of people can relate to this piece.... loved it through out all the way.... 10/10
:cry: fuck i love you..
Nigga dat shit was garbage nigga you garbage you faggot ass rapper. Nigga im not a rapper im a street poet. bitch i paint pictures that all dem street niggaz can feel.
SO DONT TALK ME LIKE A FUCKIN RAPPER NIGGA I WILL MURDER YO ASS
BORN TO KILL MY ASS BITCH
YOU PROBABLY AINT KILLED SHIT NIGGA :shoot:
If you enter my thread again...
Consider yourself banned, bitch.
very very impressive piece..emotion was good imagery was on point and very discriptive..
it was unpredicitable which therefore worked in your favour...
this was a long piece but still i read it and enjoyed it due to the fact you wrote it so well..
i didnt loose interest half way thruogh like i do most long piece's
very nice piece...keep doing ya thing dog....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gutta Gutta
born...jus ban dat herb anyway.