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You jumped around topic-wise, the title tells me that is what you were going for, but I perfer more concise pieces. You had some multi syllable rhyming in the middle, which switched up the flow. The wordplay was also a good addition, keep that up.
Please drop feed on my friend's piece, it's being slept on
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=224626
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Yo that was hot man. There was some good wordplay in there, saw some good multis put in there. Things couldve been more complex like the others have said, but the rhyme scheme made up for it though. Other than that, this was good, I can only say you gon get better and better. Check out some of my stuff as well. 1.
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