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i wasn't feelin the flow..
but you had some good lyrics..i liked the ender bar
you had some good similies as well.. and A LOT of them lol..
but mostly work on flow..if it doesn't flow then i stop getting interested..i don't have patience so i like reading pieces that are not so wordy and have good flow..
overall, this was iite..
hit this up http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...31#post2810031
was a different kinda flow, and it switched up a lot. Prob got confused. Thanks for the feed, though.. ill hit that up in a bt.
i liked the wordplay...and you definitely get the award for "most dictionary reading" with that song. overall pretty good, you need to practice staying on topic though, at least that piece of work tells me you need to practice it. i would say the song is probably a....6.5/10. you just focused on vocabulary too much without trying to make it a well balanced piece. anyway, ive had my first open mic song on here for a day and no one has sed a thing about it. sum1 please critique it. heres da shortcut
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=214290
bleh.. didn't think vocab was that much..
I've seen peeps do way more.
and I read it again.. atleast to me, i stay on topic..
(maybe i'm wrong)
uppin
I'll try and hit your link up later, thanks for the feed
upp//
very complex....your iamgery was there as were your multis...and i realy did like your complexity in your rhyme....your vocab was very top notch...it flowed smoothly..all in all this piece was very intricate and ill.keep droppin tha hottnes.~1~
thanks, uppin
That was some real shit
I really enjoyed it the imagery made me feel like that was me
keep droppin i gotta hear more of your shit
some ppl finally see the piece in the way i meant, im astonished.
lol.. love all the feed though, good or bad.. uppn
ya u lost me wit sum words. but it was ight. not my style. dun try 2 use big vocab on every line ppl wont want 2 read it
yo you want good feed ok well for one the drop is very good ....but I'm not a poem guy....and also this was abit lengthy......also
not worthy of hof....but it was ok....up your vocab and your word useage......1
yo this was my favorit part of this peice
ystem of the body, like veins to keep the reader's alive
..and the main highway arteries, to flow big like these lines
Speaks fine, but like brail can feel with a faint touch
.. and can see the full effect, even with blind eyes shut
Flow of a gifted, internal, twizted, explicit to complex...
or changing quick, a storyline leaves you saying chapter... next?
Flow like a fan that flies on high..
keep it up and keep writting
^ up my vocab and word usage? ok.....
uppin for intelligence :)
last uppin, most likely.
Nice piece