will do stay up my man dev.
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will do stay up my man dev.
well............
overall this was a dope piece man, first paragraph was real nice and got better from then on,...peeg pretty much summed up this OM but there were more lines which were real nice, i could just post the whole thing lol, overall though man real nice drop, keep at it
thanks my man
This piece reminds me of a thread I made in ID.
Again, like your other OMS it's pretty good.
Although I'm not in the mood to read right now
I read it and thought it was well done.
:thumbup:
I have no idea why, but I just cannot get into this piece.
It's as if the topic is so distant from me, but I can usually relate to anything. I don't know, I found myself having to force myself to keep reading, hoping that I'd find something I like. I just couldn't...I tried reading it like ten times but I just don't like it. Maybe it's because I'm missing some information or because I'm too slow to understand. I like the imagery, that for sure is good. You nailed alot of lines, very impressive. As others have said, your opening lines were very well written. I found your tone not believable. I don't know, the tone just didn't seem real to me. Maybe I'm reading this in the wrong state of mind. *reads again* Too much use of "as" in the third verse for my liking. Yeah, I don't know, I just can't get into the topic. I thought the closing lines were very good, nice emotion in them. Sorry about such a shitty response but it's my truth. I've read it about twelve times now and I still can't get into it...
Aight Judge ... well worth the read .. the structure of it all was nice kept me ebbing on through it .. kept my attention with the internal ryhme and the imagery .. are you gonna turn this into audio ?.. I remember back in the day when you used to ask me to check up your peices for you and now You've grown into a nice topical head .. congrats man . Keep writing I'm pissed at myself for stopping you will only improve and there is nothing you can't do with a pen player .. this peice overall left a strong message the vocab used was nice and you still kept it a little street with some of your similes I like that . don't wanna write above muhfuckas heads or nothing . Looking forward to your next peice homey nice drop ...don't worry about legends its basically like highschool homecoming queen bs .. this was a peice that could hang with the better .. but not the best =) .. keep working pz.
thanks to all
Wow. this seriously may be the dopest OM I've ever read. Seriously. The vocabulary was awesome, the details and visions given were outstanding, and the story went together so well. I'm not really sure how to break down topicals and what not, so I apologize for that... but this is legends material if you ask me. Without a doubt...
Irate emotions and religious devotions, eased the Catholics mission
Ambition to represent tradition..
..Had them taking more blood than Crips within prison
That line was cool. Real cool.
Iono what else to say though man, this shit was amazing, and it sucks that OM is so horrible with leaving feed, and reading pieces, cause this shit was ill.
If you could, please check out, Heavenly Sins. I'm trying to improve myself as a topical writer now, and NO ONE leaves feed. I'd appreciate it man.
thanks so much people up!
2 words: fucking dopeness. The concept was great, the imagery was pretty much perfect, your vocab was correctly balanced, the structure was great, the italics to break up the verse, the prayer:
"Our concern for your world is curled up within our aggression
An obsession for happiness....Can often result in deep depression"
great stuff, i'm feeling the situation, the UK hears about Ireland's situation all the time. Just a great OM man, its getting nominated for OM of the month again.
keep posting, and if you could rep my piece 'shadowboxing' i'd appriciate the feedback.
thank you.
and bounce!
A lot of peeps sayin that tha opener hits tha spot, and damn, i gotta agree, u got high vocab and ur rhyme structure is nice. what stood out to me was tha emotion dropped, it gets to ya. there aint much to improve on ur part, keep it up a'ight
*peace and love*
This Is One Of The Best Topicals On Religion That I Have Read. Very Enjoyable And Great Vocab...Imagery Was Fantastic In Some Parts, And The Emotion Was There In All Of It...
Awesome Open Mic...
thanks.