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Upp ya gothic bitch
fuckaz
You Sure Do Up This A Lot. No More. If It Is, It Will Be Closed.
I also felt some of the word choices seemed forced, scheme worked for this, and the take on topic was very good. I really feel you didn't do enough to drive your message home, but it was there and understandable, just not very direct or in your face. I didn't get the sense of fire from you, you didn't come across as heated or bothered, more of a well this is what I think. I think added emotion would have brought this home, also a few changes to the wording. You could have gave this better transitions with better placed internals and more of a fluid read. You do show much improvement from the days I used to give you advice when you first started out in OM. Also you seemed to have grown into complex drops, before they were very studdered, and didn't feel smotth enough. Now there are coming together, most importantly you are learning who to aproach a topic better. I think SS has been very good for you elevation, so keep at it. This type of drop is extremely difficult to pull off, trust me, such a verse needs to have every component firing on all cylinders so to speak. Im glad to see you attemtping something like this, good stuff none the less man.
-Bounce