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uppin for votes..
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and links
Crucial, I'm more of a text battler so I don't generally vote on topicals, but I always return the favor, this was a good one.
Tim - I felt you started shaky and that some of your vocab at the beginning could have been better flowing, but you picked it up as you went along. I felt as you went along the feelings and emotions got deeper and deeper and you actually cared about the character when he died. I think I've seen better vocab from you, but this was good and the flow was nice. Good piece.
Sir - Nice piece as well, I just wish you had written more. I felt the length of Tim's allowed him to not only storytell but to work with emotions and get deep. I felt yours was more storytelling like this happened then this happened then this happened. On the plus side you did flow very nicely and your vocab was actually decent, just not enough emotion I felt for you to win this.
Vote - Tim
Tim- you had good emotion in this verse, good stoytelling but i noticed your vocabulary was really simple, i seen you had slim multies in every line and some didnt have any! it coo tho topicals dont NEED multies but it could of helped your verse flow better...overall i good lenght verse that kept me reading but i know youre a topical head and i know you coulda dropped better
Sir- you surprised me with your verse, straight fire homie! it flowed smoother than a waterfall, nice multies which made it flow even better! great imagery but i felt your lenght was shorter and reduced tha emotion in your verse, but in my opinion your verse was better than Tim's, better overall stroy and imagery!
v-Sir
thanks DaTrusHurtz and Unmerkable for the votes..........
vote honestly and leave links.............
Uppin 1 leave links and ill get back to them
This was coo, You both had good ideas and played as a different murderer, which made it pretty interesting.
Tim - Your opening aftermath was very well presented, *spoilers* Having told how you had picked off a poor man with your sniper.. Very well done, the second verse had a little bit more of a poetic sort of, more detailed way explaining some things, which was a turn on compared to your first.. Which played a hardcore badass. Well timmy, nice job. I know it may not be my place to judge your writing, for I may not be as well firmly positioned at topical battling myself, but I'll still give suggestions wheras in the future will make my reading of your work more pleasurable: More details! You were on the point and straight with it, but get dirty.. Give some backrounds of the characters, who, where, why, the whole deal! Also, when I had finished your verse, I had read it aloud to see if it had any on-line beat.. It did, but fell off in some points for being so short-lined. It seemed like you were just telling a slow, rhyming story. If you can fix it, I'd like it better.
Crow - You did well-mannered in your attempts to play the killer, but you were a little more blunt and back to the everyday to day life kind of thing, which is a played concept but one of the classics. Your read was pretty good, the flow of it didn't match exactly but you had your characters on key... As for the story-line, also basic, but seemed a little more about itself than others, you had a good way of expressing it, but sorry.. It's just been used in too many last year kind of things before. (You may not get that.) either way, you did a nice job, I expected more out of you though, to tell the truth. But it was allright, try making the verse a little more prepared, as if reading straight from a book. I mean, this is the internet, reading is what we do... And nothing is more original than the look of a perfectly fine printed text. Nice try, and keep doing topical, you'll get there soon.
v/ - Core.