^ Summer was HER name, so boo @ you....
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^ Summer was HER name, so boo @ you....
yeah man, I got that but i didn't see much point in it being used here.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bounce
guess it added that extra bit of creativeness or something.
It ties the entire peice together and foreshadows the twist. It was actually well thought out and without, the peiice just wouldn't have had the full impact it did...
It more than fit, it was a neccesity for this drop, well executed baron...
I guess I need to broaden my mind on pieces like this then huh? I will do in the future, but overall I was feeling this verse anyways...
Baron, My piece is called Cold Red Stranger, drop feed please man.
Thank you, all of you. Leave links and i'll get through all of them individually ..
Laureate or whatever your anme is, Im guessing you strolled in here from the poetry forum, and i'd like to point out that multi's in poetry are different from multi's as far as text goes. Lol. Glad you all enjoyed ..
I actually imagined it and got wood kidda.
Then it died when talk of incest came into play.
Deflated like Lisa Riley chewing pins, but donnit matter.
Good flow on this mate, could imagine it and
multi's were ill. Good Shit, even if it ruined my day!
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=187111
There's a link to mine Baron :thumbup:
Done.
This was OK. It started off with it seeming like it would be a classy story, but some phrases threw that notion out of the window(ie."I duly thrust,
My phallus into her vaginas depths .."). That blindsided my. Probably because I would have drawn it out more. You just seemed to rush it a bit. Like you were trying to get done, instead of trying to make an incredible piece. The Brother/sister thing seemed like a simple fix, just because you wanted a twist. I've also seen the twist by many poets. The flow was nice. It was a decent verse, and the things I didn't like could all be solved if it wasn't rushed. I still think it's a 7/10 piece. Keep writing.