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I am not going to repaet what the other members said in here, but they are spot on. You show potential, now it's time to incoorperate some of the components mentioned in the feed here. They scheme issue is a real one, if you can not pull off complex schemes or use a varitey of schemes, you will find it hard to participate in topical leagues here and elsewhere. You just need some exposure to the diferent style of different wirtiers in such a league, you will grow. When you do, we expect you to do the same for the new batch od writers that follow you! Not bad, but you could do better!
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"When you do, we expect you to do the same for the new batch od writers that follow you!"
Couldnmt agree more man. You get back what you put in.
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Thanks Bounce for your feed, it means a lot man and I really do appreciate it.
Baron, I really do appreciate you helping me also, and I'll continue what Im doing and when Im a vet like you, Ill do the same thing to those up and comers!
Thanks man :thumbup:
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^ Haha, Eddy - this is the guy i was looking to pick up as an elevation project ..
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ROFL at how excited he gets when we say something good about him. He reminds me of a puppy at the pound, waiting to get picked ..
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Lol, well yeah its because I appreciate it when people say good things about me, especially as now my pieces aren't getting slept on as much as they were :rolleyes:
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Uppn this fora great man, RIP Granddad :(
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yo i liked this a lot
it had a lotta emotion in it
an it flowed well
hey will you do me a fovor an reply on my peice we,ll be missin you (josh lewis tribute)
if so thanks
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what can i say issue?i'm sorry about your granddad...but i'll try to critcize you where i see room for such.
The emotions was very deep,i could feel that you were in pain;you described it very well especially in the second part.the imagery was done also well,but the emotion,the pain stood out the most.the first 4 lines were vere good,they had a good rhymescheme and you used multiple syllable rhyming which helped a lot on the flow.but in your verses you kinda neglected flow,i told you earlier man,use more internal rhymes,multis,try to keep an elevated rhymescheme throughout the whole piece...i had the same problem a little while back,but if you try doing it you'll find your own way of doing those...
Overall great man...what can i say?
R.I.P to your granddad fam!
