Lost innocence

tight shit man fricken nice ass flow :thumbup:
the first verse defently owns the rest though i feel a lot of gangsta outa you man keep up da good shit aite and get a beat n record that thats dope man aite

GANGSTA???WTF???
anyway...

i refuse to let this go untill i get more than one decent feed!

yo that was pretty tight for sure i was feelin that

This was dope. I thought if word choice was a little better, it would have been about perfect. This paralels my life almost exactly(exept the school shooting). I could really understand the kid turning his back on god when he felt like god did the same to him, and then getting lost in games, entertainment, art, etc. This was a nice piece, homie. keep up the good work, and thanks for the reply to my piece.

This was a very deep and well thought out piece you've directed me to. And it was real epic too. You might get some better responces if you drop some more concise work. But nonetheless, this was really quite entertaining to read. Keep up the good work, and don't give up. People can't sleep on you forever.

Thanks for the reply on mine as well man, it was very much appreciated.

Thx for the feeds Wicked and Jekyll!Much apreciated...

Yeah, the one liners really aint read it.
You have yourself a good piece here, You presented us with a character who goes from God Fearing, to God Like in a sense because he came down to ending lives. The twist at the end would be almost expected, so a little work on your foreshadowing would help crank up the piece. You did real good here, though, and the story was very interesting, and you showed the characters transformation with some expertise.

damn that was incredible, this should definitely be in the hall of fame. i cant believe it hasnt gotten a nod yet. well you really broke this down well showing the kids anger grow and then explode. sad that this happens too often but the truth of the matter is because seen and heard first hand accounts of something like this happening it hits really hard and really real. i thought you did an excellent job with word choice and multi's. everything was on point and your rhyming didnt take away from the story. every line i read had me wanting to read more to find out what happens. i like the title for this becuase this is the most extreme case of innocence being lost but at the same time it shows how nieve a kid could be who lets bully's abuse him and take over his entire life. very very good buddy. and thanks for your drop on my piece. keep repping

yo ill piece K...great topic...and you did a hella good jod of discribing the kids course through the whole situation...vocab was good...i liked the way you set your verses out aswel...and you did a good job portrayin the fact he started of playin games then was over came by them and then resorted to talking a gun to school...the ending was tight aswel...props dawg...decent piece...keep that shit up...

hit this up for me dawg...its not something i usually do so bare with me

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=182587

I liked this a lot. You setup the story well, being descriptive and creating the image of the boy. Then it built up near the end, calmed a bit and finished nicely. You had nice vocab, which got your message across better. The multis helped the story going by supporting the flow. You did a good job of character development over the course of the piece, and the titles were effective in describing the setting. You took the concept in a creative direction, nice drop.
Thanks for checkin out my piece.

Thx for the feeds guys.Really apreciated.

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