Metaphorical Poetics

up leave links if you want a decent level of feedback

Dope Wordplay and Everything...This shit was illl


The imaginary is very nice, reminded me of some nas shit when i wake up in the morning..I listen to some soft soulful shit like Marvin Gaye or Isley Brothers....Man stay up!

word, thanks for giving feed on my drop.


This piece was dope. The flow and rhyme scheme was off the hook. Some of my favorite lines...


that these lonely halls we walk.. lead to better doors
the place you teleport.. rid of dead ends & never more's
even when the weather pours head up and let'r roar
no more dead at war.. a lost cause for settled scores

and..

these moments.. lost living lies but.. we all live and die
question is..
did you give a try.. cross plains with your pride risen high
or did you let your image fry.. memorys of a finished eye
minutes fly...... til we birth wings under a different sky


but word, this was solid throughout the whole thing.. and once again, I feel this deserves a nomination for OMs of the month.. not much to critique because it was well written and enjoyable to read.

thanks alot for the honesty man.. appreciate it

nice, good strong multis and some pretty cool imagery to balance it out. like to see you tell a full narrative of some kind. some stronger vocab would've helped but this is a good enough piece to stand up without it.

keep on posting.

my favourite line is=the place you teleport.. rid of dead ends & never more's..."nice"

all is nice in fact

i dont usualy like seeing up to 4 or 5 rhmyes on the same sound ie from metaphor to swords.. but you did it well with those sort of half rhymes & stuff

a little bit of the end i diddnt like =
did you give a try.. cross plains with pride.. risen high
or did you let your image fry.. memorys of a finished eye

untill it got to the last line which was=

minutes fly...... til we birth wings under a different sky
...that was great poetics

tite stuff fo sho

lookin for more yo werks

pz1

Not a bad peice, but there is much room for improvement. This was very basic, yet stood up as a good drop, mostly due to the way you worte this. For such a title I was expecting some complex concepts and encrypted typed lines, you keep my interest either way. Assonance was good, but the repetative scheme in your lines took away from it. Diction most def, needs to be upped. vocab well see my comments on diction. Meter was good and steady, and the meta's were basic but good, could have been improved IMHO. You have improved from what I can see from another drop I peeped of yours, dramitcally. I think you got the idea, now you just have to reach for that next level. Good drop, let's elevate that to dope now!

-Bounce

You Had:
Flow
Story
Meta's
Structure
Passion
Realism

those are all key things in writting a great OM, you did and keep em comeing, they are awsome to read man.

thx for hittin my OM up..

anyway, this was really good man.. it started off well with a decent description of what u were tryin to say, and ended well too... i felt that the last few lines had the best imagery in ur verse.. great rhyme scheme mixed with a great flow... only problem is u should've probably written a bit more to give the reader more knowledge on what ur piece was about.. but thats no problem, this was written well, and that was a nice ending too..

keep at it..

peace

Excellent wordplay and vocab. Multi's were nice too. Not to many bad things I can say about this drop. But I really like your delivery. U seem to have found a style that's original but still a good ready. I think it was a long as it needed to be to get ur point across and that's whats important. Ill drop.

awsome feedback, thanks alot...

MORE

That waz tite pa keep more of it cumin -1

what more can be said about this center that hasnt already been said dope piece liked the imagrey alot and the way it flowed down the whole way though liking th full content inside this piece want really going to know what to expect from you being that you were a battler but you made the jump just fine nice job i give you major props on this piece hope to see more like this fro you in SS

please return the favor fammo

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=173742

yeah, this was pretty dope, no failing points and no whackness. fa'real.. let em kno son. some real good wordplay and imagery. nice structure as always.. all around great. can't say it any better



and to let yall niggas kno..

if CS recycled shit, this site would be thru.

real poetric, nice imagery . ok read all around keep texting