Illest poem by a 15 year old

Good lookin'

Firstly, take out the "/" from every line, it's supposed to be poetry, not a text battle.

Secondly, just read how the other people on the board write. The Lord Of The Rings simile at the start was complete garbage, and broke the seriousness of the piece down straight away. Think carefully about the image you are using. Nobody really wants to be thinking about hobbits when they should be imagining a story which involves hard drugs, poverty, and murder. It's just not an appropriate comparison to make.

Lastly, think about giving your writings structure, and level out the lines some. There was no coherency to the meter. You don't have to have every line exactly the same length, but it does definately help no end if your poems have some kind of rhythm or beat to them (very much like MCing).

Just some food for thought man, elevate, take people's advice, and you'll start to learn how to write better. I think you could have potential, but right now, you have very little idea of the basics of poetry. Hope that doesn't sound too harsh lol.

hit this thread:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=159981

liked this a lot, pretty deep and the vocab was decent and everything fit nicely. Keep it up, one.

thanks y'all

keep them shits comin'

don't think much of the title, kind of patronising to the better young poets on here.

By reading the title you could tell that this wasn't going to be very "Ill". Too cocky. This isn't battling so no need to come with the slashes and the big-head-attitude. Think about the topics you write on. Like this one for example. Everyone writes about this type of thing, so make sure you find a style of writing, or storytelling that makes it unique.