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LOL this was great!
I was really expecting something more about society rather than about advice on rb. It was golden, made me laugh a bit too.
Your flow is decent, though it was off in a couple places, surprisingly not where you put the really long line in order to prove a point LoL. You have decent vocab and you do this cool repetition thing in certain lines that helps to elaborate on the content from the previous line.
I don't have that much advice for you, just to develope your own style through unique wording and flipping topics and stuff. You did a pretty good job with that on this piece.
Good one, dude.
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Freeman & Archival = The newbies here that have impressed me most topically this month. Go join the RSTL. :^)
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^Isn't that the league at rm? If so, no thanks. I beat IV a few months ago in an rstl tourny, but he cheated, and I could do nothing cause he was the mod :( . Anyway, thanks for the props Maven and Baron.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=118083
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...19#post1238219
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=118129
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Been waiting for someone to make a piece about this. Sort of reminded me of Eleete's "Not Good Enough to Be A Dope MC". Very good flow in this, structure was lined perfectly, and you didnt babble about some random topic throughout. Good job with the concept, some nice multies in there too. Nice vocab too.
Return the favour and hit up one of mine, Thanks.
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Nice enough flow..
But like Baron said..
Do not sacrifice your content for the mere fact of making it look pretty..
You want it to sound pretty more than anything..
Vocabulary, Flow and Multi's were quite nice..
Nice drop..
Potential coming through..
Pz..
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"I want to not care about structure, and be the violent rupture that causes change...
The huge rupture that causes brains to pause the frame
And be able to recognize that we are not all the same" ... thats so classic.. uggg....
.....and now I'm speaking for the feeble . you can't intoxicate my people .
snakes in skins of people . spiting venom designed in being lethal .
only the blind sees what's livid . spoken word contrast the livid .
and I hear it it like the resurrection . Revival of conception . editorial correction .
I'm perceiving their deception . and others are even asking questions! .
forget the box . the paradox . the matrix is basic . 3rd eyes need lasik .
been so long . that the true can savor and taste it . and Archive it in the basement .
I see the flash in ya light . the paralysis in sight . the vindictive plight . the people ant living right.
but that's what gift to gab is for . sweat it out ya pores . cause the truth got more in store . from unknown placement I'm waiting for more.... so what YOU waiting for?
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this is tight u came strong and ended strong
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yeah.....this piece was interesting...i feel like i shouldnt critique it though just because the piece kinda would make me look like ajerk or something....
anyways....seems like a good piece...couple things about the rhyme scheme i didnt get into but honestly the ending was cool.....nice work man...i enjoyed
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Nice piece man...
Good multies and stuff
Good topic..overall good read
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like maven, i expected this to go in a totally different direction. you flipped the topic well and i like how you approached it. structure was nice, though as baron said they dont always have to match perfectly to look nice. content is the key. it flowed well due to good use of internal rhyming. was a great read. you have much potential. looking forward to your next drop.
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very wise words^ from cam
im sick of kids saying tidy up your bar structure...FUCK OFF
i'll write how i want
anyway..
i really liked this piece
showed some imagination and originality
agreed on what ur saying...one of the lines made me chuckle..about the centred text or w/e
good read...flow was appropriate..and incorporated some multies
nice
fin
