Printable View
this was pretty nice,
even though it was long,
it was still a good read,
flow was on point,
real good to me,
structure was nearly perfect,
but that really doesn't,
mean anything to me,
the best part i liked,
about it was the,
imagery that stood out,
it was very creative,
overall i give this peice,
a 8/10, not bad homie, props.
pz.
we are the knights who say, "ne!" - up
yo this was good kid. good structure flow
and same here this built a picture in my head
Pretty good drop. I really liked the imagery on the middle verses. I liked the whole way you told the story. It flowed nice and smooth. Rhyme scheme was cool. I like how you did the last verse. This was a decent read. Keep up the good work.
this piece was off da chain...loved the story (sounded to me like in the perspective of a werewolf/type beast). Props to tellin the story in a perspective that u have never encountered. Flow was tight, but vocab didnt impress me that much...overall this piece was ill...nice every one CHECK OUT MY THREAD CALLED "RACISM"
176 views is not enough
*italics indicate sarcasm
His vicious snarl makes the confused female run,
Abnormally quick he catches and tears asunder,
The body which had filled his mind with wonder,
He feasts on the remains and is finally satisfied,
Then returning sanity causes craving for suicide,
But his aether is too strong - he’s sought death before,
So he sits in his ruin and lets wolf carvings litter floor
dat was da most significant part for me... i felt a way deeper internal meanin to dat...anyways
flow was almost perfect... wordplay coo... imagery out da ass very vividous.
overall good drop
8/10
and last time up...
to SMZ's credit you won't find
aneurysm/prism's prison
matrix/hatred
in any rhymin dictionary out there...
infact there are a lot of creative multis and rhymes... but it didn't seem complex... possible because you were trying to keep the narrative ... ... ...understandable.... I hate overcomplicating matters..
throw a wrench in the structure though... and give it a more ... ...'audio' feel...
keep it up friend
nah Mag this is my second piece on here - so I hadn't learned how to implement the more advanced concepts quite yet - so for the narrative part I just went for understanding and imagery - that's why when I wrote it I added the intro and conclusion to give it a little complexity...
real nice, very unique in content... it went into different areas yet maintained to stay on topic.... good wordplay(specially in the last verses).. flowed really well.. these were some descriptive ass lines
Silhouetted against the sky a noble figure stands,
Stars glimmer from above as he surveys his lands,
He is resilient and powerful, both agile and quick,
Given adequate intelligence and also cunning wit,
I easily gotta picture from those 2 bars... really, you painted the story really well in yo rap
only thing i would like to be cleaned are the multis.. they were nice and all, but damn, they were forced alot... try fixing that
but other than that, this was a solid drop, really sick and unique rap
yo, if u have tha time, check out some of mah raps("What We'll Dare When The Gov. Doesn't Care" and "Losing Grip of Faith") too...