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silent will
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^ I think u could work on ur lines hitting harder. And use some wordplay. But make sure its good wordplay, and not shitty. I kinda liked the bon jovi line, also you need to up your vocab becuase it made the verse too simple and basic for my liking. But keep it up. Because u left no topic i will just go at u.
That sounded like your mentally unstable, So yeah i agree your ill,
Who would talk so quiet before they die? Well i know silent-will,
Uve not even had a battle yet, ^ that was cold so stick a coat on it,
And if you have already battled, Ur rec says nobody will vote on it,
U see i just topped ur verse already, Surprisingly you cant see straight,
This bitch is still looking for his maggot, infact hes searching e-bait,
Dawg for real, you suck, up more shit that my vacuum cleaner,
And ur punches are invisible, like ur women, nobodys seen her.
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Sorry i forgot the topic...
How about for the next topic: .... "A Will" < Yes i was looking at the guy aboves me name when i decided on the topic.
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It was alright, some of it was weird contect like "suck up more shit than my vacuum cleaner" ???
The bit about invisible women was alright. 6.5/10 overall
Can someone give me feedback to this? (from last page)
for the record, i really am that sick,
tryin to elevate, but on here aint nowt but dicks,
giving each other praise for rhymes that were sh!t,
collabin', grabbin' each other for days, you two shit bricks.
I dont like dissin' but no-one left a topic,
i aint got no other option but to drop this
coz i aint rhymin about cassidy mate,
hes as wack as me, but at least im tryin to elevate.
n/t you just woke up next to a fat ugly minger.
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that was garbage to tell u the truth..1st off CASSIDY is better then everbody in ya whole country put together..
yo how u wanna be a thug
when u scared to pop a slug
we got black masks and backpacks where the Macs stash
you nothin compared to me so how u gonna refer to CASS
your verse is like a 2 so how u gonna rate that a six point five
Cizzy is ya whole crew so one punch'll run up and hit both u guys
step to me i dare you red rover red rover
im not Lil flip homeboi but now this Games Over..(JOOK$)
n/t rap about the 1st thing that hits ya head
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Not too bad, I dig the red rover to game over connection
starts off a little weak...thug and slug? Come on...
Nzyme will genocide you like you were "Jew KZ"
If this a game I'm varsity and you JV
Your lines are so incoherent you should be JooCrazy
But temperary insanity can not save thee
Inevitable verdict
"Guilty", there you heard it
And if I give you less than death
Your lucky and don't deserve it
Little man thinks he can spurn truth and take the dare
So tho your only 17 your life i can not spare
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Not too bad, I dig the red rover to game over connection
starts off a little weak...thug and slug? Come on...
Nzyme will genocide you like you were "Jew KZ"
If this a game I'm varsity and you JV
Your lines are so incoherent you should be JooCrazy
But temperary insanity can not save thee
Inevitable verdict
"Guilty", there you heard it
And if I give you less than death
Your lucky and don't deserve it
Little man thinks he can spurn truth and take the dare
So tho your only 17 your life i can not spare
Next Topic: truth or dare
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yo that was nice homie i like the dississ you did wit my name.. but you need a lil more word play but it was pretty good to me..
get in my face n ill let these bullets play duck duck goose
i represent to the fullest and u juss fucked up mook
im to smooth my rap flavors past gold
in prison ya shower name was Major Asshole(MA)
fake ass u aint a real Nzyme wit all these pretend lines
thinking of ways to beat me'll get ya brains blown out so we can see what u had IN MIND(get it)
i see you come at me like u rapped wit a FEW STARS
but this cat dont see that im sick cuz i spit FLU BARS..(JOOK$)
n/t Christmas DAY
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The first three lines weren't up to scratch to be honest. The third didn't seem right to me.
Think I've read the blow ya brains out so we can see your mind lines way too often on these forums.
It got better towards the end yet it all seems like I've read it before - apart from the Major Asshole bit but....
Not bad overall.
Waking up, and it christmas morning.
I begin today like every other, stretchin an yawnin.
I go downstairs and open presents for me,
WTF IS THIS! but a Cassidy CD! :(
What a fookin letdown, anythin but this,
the rappin, the music, generic rap shit!
Ideas to use it, there must be another,
When I went to the toilet I found a use for the cover.
So later that evening and i'm drinkin,
the cd... a use? .... im thinkin im thinkin.
i notice the ring mark my drink has made,
oh my god thats it, this CD is great.
so I slam my drink down, right on Cassidy's face.
coz the midget, wannabe gangsta murderer, I fookin hate!
next topic: Humour in rap, does it exist?
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there's no humour in rap, try playin a lil joke
someone ends up with a bill or slit across their throat
holes in their coat, u get shot jus for askin
jus for wonderin "who is that nigga passin"
tha point used to be jus 2 chat across a beat
now u say the wrong thing and end up under 6 feet
beta not lie through ur teeth,unless u wna lose friends
niggaz make me laugh they get shot get out and run their mouth again
u think im wrong then go ahead and humour me
lets help rap get back to the way it used to be
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You forgot to leave feedback! :th_down:
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my skill is like ill
my is silent wit will
still my rhymes is a trillion times betta than yours
and my scores is still zero zero
but i'm movin to hero
and y'all walkin a thin line that hasn't bin crossed
but once you cross it i get set off
my rhymes shoot and blow your head off
untill you off my war path
it's gonna be a blood bath
what the matter they stuck on an equation
can't do the math
you still in the de-genberation
and this is the new generation for your information
so pick up some skill cause you disgracin
the rap nation write some rhymes worth pastin
this verse drive you to drink
wit a pen and paper i write a diss wit this ink
where you get those beats tink er bell
hell just think her favorite color is pink
and those rhymes can't float they just sink
so i'll step off the stage and go have a drink
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That was alright, a little simple but alright, it just seemed to lack something. I didn't know who you were dissing or what topic you were on about. :S And since you didn't leave feedback or a next topic, I think you're a bit of a tit to be honest.
Now can I have feedback for this? Thats what this thread is all about feedback, then elevating... (Maybe JOOKZ could leave some???)
Waking up, and it christmas morning.
I begin today like every other, stretchin an yawnin.
I go downstairs and open presents for me,
WTF IS THIS! but a Cassidy CD!
What a fookin letdown, anythin but this,
the rappin, the music, generic rap shit!
Ideas to use it, there must be another,
When I went to the toilet I found a use for the cover.
So later that evening and i'm drinkin,
the cd... a use? .... im thinkin im thinkin.
i notice the ring mark my drink has made,
oh my god thats it, this CD is great.
so I slam my drink down, right on Cassidy's face.
coz the midget, wannabe gangsta murderer, I fookin hate!
Next Topic: It's 2.00am and you're in a club and still haven't pulled a bird.
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that was good definently awsome verse lol
wellp i cramp the plan undastand i planned you to lose
i druise the lil black caddy poppin at who ever shady
made like this i don't miss wit a fist i srand wit power
man of the hour i make crews cower then give ya girl a flower
oh and don't step cause you don't know what i can do
make ya life takin ya crew ya teeth meet the toes of my shoe
no clue i blew ya brains out about shout cause you got nout
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liked it but try using a more distinguishable flows that support your other lines while making them look better
ima evil genius doin all sorts of wicked vodoo experiments
people just scream in fright of inferior of my existence
goin through your mind distortin the way you feel,think n see shit
destroyin your memory, me laghin watchin you try n repeice it
i'm makin up a silent night 2 takin over whole world even the goverments i be seizin
so you betta lock down your doors n nail em shut wit boards
cuz i'm comin for you expecially of course makin heart pumpin bodies in to full blown deceasin corps
terrorist
an abnormal fonomonon
the devils back
a fire shoot 2 hell
alien threats
