@Soule
can you remove the accomplishment that someone put on my account its making her feel uncomfortable..
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@Soule
can you remove the accomplishment that someone put on my account its making her feel uncomfortable..
https://youtu.be/P0qA1aZ4rY8
I’m in mad pain and feel gross... how can there be a god even co signing this?
Done.Quote:
Originally Posted by Candy
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God? No God...Quote:
Originally Posted by A Disciple
@Candy you didn't have to do that... but thanks for the respect. I appreciate it and you being tolerant of me tripping. I feel like I'm coming back down. Some freaky shit with my ex, a 222 nextel, my head burning off running to the church barefoot. It can actually all be kinda comical but I been thru hell. And I do know better than to try to make sense of being crazy. BUT at the same time it feels like maybe I wasn't so crazy after all.
I appreciate the advise guys to write it out... and maybe I can help the next thru it too.
What you been up to?
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Camerons voice cracks me up for the being shot and didn't recall... at least that's what i hear him say in the beginning. I believe in God but I respect the devil too... I think he's just the warden cause in my religion he was an angel too.
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I'm getting aggrevated by my sleep schedule... just woke up at 9pm and i hate staying up all night and sleeping all day. I guess it is what it is for now.
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Down south in NC there was this guy that did a New Years wrap up each year locally and then I hear Uncle Murdas... is it the same guy?
Lol I hate Uncle Murda that dude scamming everybody in the damn rap world. We caught him scamming hundreds of rappers once…shit was sad as fuck to find out. Him and a handful of big name rappers doing that shit to people. $500 a pop just taking their money and dead playlisting them it was laaaame. He tried to front as the owner of the company that was doing it one time and went live covering for the actual dudes behind it to try and intimidate people. They write a bunch of articles about it and audiomack exposed them on Twitter, too.
You know..all that shit you say about bitches being on you and wishing all these fuckers would just GET OFF…I felt that shit. I think of rapbattles members who use ThatKidCry name flips and still think their shit is original and pat each other’s dicks for it. Or the dudes who write Kevin Nash/Scott Hall nameplays and think they’re the coming of Christ. Also the ones who write Steve Nash bars and think I ain’t been logged into this website for 10,000 years, or that Steve Nash is still even a relevant ball player at this point in their online text battle careers.
GET THESE FAGGOTS OFF ME!!!! *flips table and destroys room*
That was truly educational and I appreciate it. I know I write to songs and how i relate and people say I bite... but it's therapy I learned as a teen and it helps me to relate and answer back. You're awesome and must have a good heart being on the thread. I hope we talk more.
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I Get Money
My head burned off and he started talking like a Texan
Now you live in Texas and this ish just too perplexing
If Beans bought coca cola then why he in the ceilings
Cause “Feel it in the Air’ just brought back too many feelings
I don’t run New York but I’m from there too
Laughed when I told my ex it is the reason why I’m fucking him…
For an address on my resume boo…
I got that lecture too, it costs 1 mill to raise a child from 0-18
Count it on them split seconds and one of them the moment I decided on her name
“I used to have old bitches now I have no hoes”
I saw that bracelet still on and realized I was Confirmed out on a furlough
Hail Mary? I don’t wanna raise shit to this freaky shit
But yo, I swear to motherfucking God I saw him when I got hit
Now it’s all about ghosts and I realize I can even send one too
Being dramatic I stabbed myself in the stomach with a knife in front of you
I was joking though… but that when things really got real
My gma always said if it wasn’t for pain than you wouldn’t know that you feel
I’ve been kicked out a zone, ever since every time I tried to light a candle I was hit
But I yelled at a lady in a drive thru once, called her a fat bitch and was checked backed into this hell shit
Righteous… now that is some twist… you can end up thinking you’re better than others
And the humble return can have you slicing your wrists
I’m not a marksmen, I wish that I was… cause “Many men wish death on me” …always cuz
I sewed a cookie doll once and someones career re surfaced
It was for my piggy bank though and some how the bitch reversed it
And Jay say he gonna re birth it… I’m just sitting here like YES it is really worth it
But these are all the problems that money don’t bring
Fell out the car saying Me? Shoe? So now they all think I want a ring
NO…
If love is real it’s been there once and it will be there more
But priorities are priorities and I think of all the things I want money for
Sell my soul? That’d be like buying the “Stair way to Heaven”
And reminds me how many times I had to dodge Kevin…
I realized he was making me sick, now I’m so mad I wanna curse out the prick
“Hey Hooo, Hey hooo… Who the fuck fucking with “OPP” like I’m some type of hoe
And oh no… Ced talk too much and told EVERYONE I’m good at head
Is that why my vv almost got shot off, just cause I used to be good in bed?
I got money? No… I got none… and this “up all night money making shit” is hardly ever fun
I got to run… if I’m not asleep by 12am Cinderella turn back into a thug then
Call your bet… bitch I ain’t bluffen
Definitely therapeutic! You know…you say the same stories about yourself so many times that I tend to want to believe they’re all real. Is that the case with your regular posting and writing? Are you always telling the truth? Do you ever exaggerate the truth at all? When you say someone was going to shoot off your vagina…was this for no reason? Did you cheat on this person or do something to make them want to do this to you? Did that really happen? Your dad Kevin seems to be on your mind an awful lot as well. Sorry to hear about his passing and that memories of him seem to haunt you. Was he a bad person or good to you? Do you feel attached to him by blood only? Is it a happy thing that he’s gone now or difficult for you? You seem like you’ve hung with a strange crowd of folks. Your mentions of Myrtle Beach come up often in these threads - what happened there that was so horrible? I dig the mentions of all the different 2000’s songs and hits throughout your piece there and how they’re incorporated into the written. Pretty neat. The phrase “vv almost got shot off” is somewhat hilarious, my apologies if that really almost happened, but the thought of something INSIDE of you being “shot off” is just a funny ass thing to say. Hahaha. Your writing improves all the time! Keep it up!!
My Dad... we were super close. He was a prick in business and had many enemies but he was always close to me and knew me best. He was just raised tough. Thanks for your sympathy... I miss him a lot. But I feel he is still here, I just can't see him. Like even tonight my passenger seat belt light was dinging and no one was in the passanger seat. I see weird shit A LOT. TOO MUCH!!!
I'm bipolar 1 and PTSD so I slip into psychosis when traumatized which is hallucinations... most of what I write is about those. To be honest, I'm still not sure what happened when I came home from the hospital 5 weeks later looking like that, they wrote off my rental, I had scars, and my period was regular for once in my life after not getting it for 6 months. I dropped this kid off in a parking lot and asked him if he was sure his mom was working cause nobody is here and in 1 second I was 30 miles away and heard 3 muffled bangs and walking thru a grey zone all in total psychosis. My mom says it wasn't a car accident and it all happened because I was on drugs (she calls weed drugs) and my dad didn't correct me when I said I got shot. He was a Landmark so sometimes I feel the network could cover up anything - I still don't know exactly what happened for straight facts. But I remember the cop in the ambulance saying I fell out the car saying Me? Shoe? I had night mares about the defrib too. I remember the OBGYN visit where I had a new dr for the first time in 20 years saying he was excited for the visit and I remember talking in his office but because i was in psychosis for at least 6 months after nothing of it all really makes sense unless I was. And YES I did have somebody sleep over our house when my boyfriend didn't come home that I liked better and he was the one who asked me to give the kid a ride too. But we weren't together long... if he had me shot it was for other people and other reasons.
Myrtle Beach was our vacation spot. I met a guy there and lost my viriginity to him when I was a teen. I remembered that again when I heard the 3 bangs and like forgot prior. But it was part of the life flashes I got. Like way later in 2010... my old bestie who is cheap as fuck asked me to go to a hair show with her down there. I remember saying no I hardly had any money and she said she got the room etc. She had a head ache on the way down to the bar and said she wanted to lay down. I said I would go to the bar and ask around for things to do. I was drugged, robbed, and attacked and went into psychosis. I thought I just got sick crazy wise but after the 3 bangs remembered and realized what really happened too. Like so that's why the DBT9 was in my urine... that's why I stole a Lexus running for my life. And I realized the psychosis's weren't all just being crazy. Mostly traumatizations. And by the way... she never went to a hair show.
So yes and no... mostly yes though... things I been thru and then how i saw things too.
I was 23 I think my first psychosis when I was running down the street and felt like my head was disentigrating off until I stopped dead and just asked God why... and it stopped. It's like a horror zone sometimes being mental. The nightmares, you can't make sense of the weird shit but you try to. I think it's why I write... sometimes the stories find you when you do. I saw that in a movie once.
If you have any questions I can tell you which ones are for facts and which ones are hallucinations. But to me they all real... kinda like dreaming. It was real to you and you still had to experience it.
What about you? How old are you and what's your story? How long have you been writing?
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By the way... my Dad's name was Stephan
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Kevin is this volture prick I wanna kill right now.
I’ve been writing on this very website since I was 15. My join date was the first time I wrote anything of this nature in 2005. I’m almost 32. Father of 4 with a beautiful wifey and we just bought our first house. I’ve been off this rapbattles shit and hitting stages for the past decade really. Soule and I grew up together off this website as kids believe it or not. I hit stages with E40, Too Short, Illmaculate, Caskey, WC of Westside Connection, Mac Lethal, Afroman, and a ton more rappers. Use to be a promoter for shows regularly but I stopped doing that. Covid and rap scammers fucked me up mentally for a solid year and a half. I got scammed by Redman and his people over a measly $500 and discovered their names and the scam ring with my lady. She’s really good at finding shit like that. Shit was pretty insane. Didn’t end well for me though! Here’s the articles Medium magazine wrote on it…
https://medium.com/@heyyybonita/hund...d-93577b4c5443
https://medium.com/@heyyybonita/prom...o-9c5092e2cb94
They actually sent guys from New York to stop me and shut me up after that second article was written. No good. Felt like my kids and family and friends were in danger. Took a year off music and was a psychopath over it all for a minute there…but been slowly coming back to it! Figured returning to the place where it all began (rapbattles) was a pretty good way to begin.
I’m also a caregiver who has worked with schizophrenic, PTSD, Dementia, and many other mental health patients specifically for the last 12 years or so. That’s the day job when I wasn’t being a promoter and rapper.
What kind of weird shit do you see? Where did your friend go instead of the hair show? I saw earlier you said you have twins. Do you really? My lady and I also have twin babies who are about to turn 4 years old this weekend. Boy and a girl! What do you think happened after you dropped that boy off in between those 30 miles and 1 second? Were you hallucinating the boy or was he real? Did you think the 3 bangs were gunshots? Or was it actually a car accident because you were intoxicated? You give off some vibes like you drink a lot of alcohol or like you once did? Were you drinking the night you dropped the boy off? I feel like there’s a lot of skipping things going on with your thought process on these things as I’m reading them. Like your thoughts are very random and sporadic sometimes. I’m sure it’s difficult to even talk about these sorts of things with anybody. Rapbattles always was sort of a getaway for people who are having a hard time off the net though so I’m not even surprised to find you here like this. It’s cool that they gave you your own thread to vent in. By the sounds it’s a very hard life in NC dealing with all of this trauma you’ve had.
That’s awesome that you rap... I love too short too. I’d love to hear your work. And congrats on the family I always wanted a baby... and nah the twins is like I told you when I forgot about losing my virginity in myrtle beach and got split seconds back (I must’ve met god when What ever the 3 bangs were happened) and I remember naming a baby, and having to tell the guy I lost my virginity to my real age, lying to my mom about having my period and she made me pull down my pants to prove it and I didn’t have it, rubbing my belly telling my friends mom almost 5 months, I got that 3rd nipple thing I remember seeing in dressing room of contempo casual... and weird stuff like that. But I’m sure if I was pregnant and had children regardless being 14 and crazy I would’ve known about it. My mom says no. So that probably was trying to make sense of something that wasn’t there. So in summary no. I don’t have children but if I did I was only 14 and idk what happened to them or their dad. Oh and my belly button is stretched out like I been pregnant before too.
Nah I never was an every day drinker like that. I was sober when I dropped the kid off at the GE building. The way I ran when my step dad put a mattress over the window the first thing as he came to move me out and all other wise things. Being shot is the only thing that could’ve happened especially with the scars too. The scars are gone now too though... just white dots. Like I guess from being crazy I’m just in another world. Trying to make sense of how you forgot the most important shit in your life and like all my life flashes that made me remember again. I’ve read something’s that say it is possible but I just pace and drive myself crazy now trying to make sense of it all.
It’s cool you work with mental health. Most people in the profession are so mean I don’t know why they get into it to even begin with. I see WEIRD shit though... I’ve felt like the world stood still on total pause before, I thought I literally saw angels and demons when this party got shot up. I’ve felt it like grind to a hault (the world), speeding clouds, seen like neon skies, gotten scared over weird shit, I see shadows... just really things that are probably all chalked up to being mental. I’ve seen ghosts before too... and sometimes things are so impossible or ironic I can’t even tell if I’m dead or alive.
I actually wrote on another site that was dead and got infiltrated with Chinese spam. A friend told me about rap battles and ironically it was after myrtle beach in 2010. I used to work in corporate but when you have mental breaks you usually are out of work for like a month or so i used to write to stay busy and heal.
I’m a go read them articles in a bit... are you from the US? You are up so late!!!
The hair show she never went I don’t know why... but after the assault she wasn’t in our room until way later either. Just weird shit and afterwards I’m just like I didn’t even leave my drink so how did I get slipped? And then I remember her flipping out over whose coffees was whose when she drink hers way darker. Maybe that’s how I got slipped and maybe it was all set up to begin with. But I’m just like if I didn’t remember or know about losing my virginity there - how did they? I’m even starting not to feel good just writing about all the weird shit. Trying to make sense of shit all the time is frustrating too but you need like a closure or completeness or sense of things not so much so you can move on but just to heal.
How old are your babies and congrats on the home!
So they were accusing you of fraud?
No I was accusing them of fraud and they got outed by thousands of people on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. They got me for $500 but when I outed them by name they gave the cash back to try and shut me up…and thousands of others got scammed and never got their cash back…bunch of famous rappers and their goons who used their verified accounts stole literal millions from their fans and local level non-famous rap artists such as myself. Anyone they could get a song from and convince them they were gonna promote it for them basically. Was pretty fucked up. They explain how it all worked and showed the receipts in those articles above. Big time fraud ring. The goons even threatened a girl who was scammed by them with rape in the second article for telling on them lol... Hacked one of the other girls bank accounts and passwords and posted them.
It’s like midnight here. I’m posting from work on grave shift so it’s basically like getting paid to post on here. Haha.. Clients are all asleep. Video chatting my lady while I bullshit on here at the same time. My babies are 4 (twins), 6, and 14. So we got a kaleidoscope of them.
That’s pretty wild stuff you’ve been through honestly. So you’ve been dealing with this stuff since your teenage years then? Seems like you definitely attach all of these things to your identity and fixate on a lot of it. Seems hard to live like that for sure. It’s good you’re into writing. Writing is super therapeutic. Has always helped me work through my own bullshit as well. You seem to handle the trolls just fine as well considering you keep coming back here haha. These rap forums can be a rough place for people. I saw that you thought a few of them were fucking with your computer and shit? Seemed kinda odd. Didn’t fully understand the situation there. Seemed like the people you were accusing on here were confused as well once you started saying they were doing some crazy shit!
Wow
Nah I defintitley wasn't accusing Rap Battles... they said that when I was asking about the 3 bangs too. BUT somone was posting from my account on here too. I definitely have someone stalking me that all along I just assumed was the feds cause of one of my exes. His babies mom was a cop and she hated me. I laugh cause it kept me straight and legal in any case.
I was tripping on here because my spy cam had a recording "All eyes on 50 cent and Pac" and I do remember this spider innocent with my boy wAnd I've seen him as ghost before lots of times when I was either sick or under pressure.
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I used to wear my bandana like that first too... and it's a spirit thing. I know All Eyes well.... it's All Souls not folllowing just Halloween that keeps me tripping.
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@Cody _nash that's crazy that artists would scam their fans like that and congratulations for being strong and outing them for it too. My mom keep telling me to try a night job since I just can't get my clock right with this up all night sleep all day ish either. Do you work at a hospital?
I've been in in patient like 9-11x I lost count. Some of them or ok... like maybe 3x I was straight. The rest be scary as fuck especially criminal mental when I stole a car once cause I thought I was still running for my ilfe. Being crazy a trip though and you learn spirirts and angels and shadows are everywhere to help too. Or hurt. I guess it all depend on your mind set at the time.
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That video you? DAMN thats hot...
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Thanks for the shout out too!!! LoL
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I love the beat too... when I smoke later I'm gonna try to put this on with my car and go for a smoke ride. You are really good. Did you see what Networt did with the Computer Love I posted. You should check that out... I'll try to post a iink.
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@Candy where did you go to he shouted you out too!
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http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ove&highlight=
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https://soundcloud.com/celso-flores-...mputer-love-ad
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How do I post pics and links on here again? I forgot how...
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@Soule is that you in a your avator pic? You look like the type NOT to fuck with if so LOL... I used to have a friend that was way over 6 feet and built thick too... he used to crack me up cause he got in trouble at work for picking this guy up by the throat and licked his eye ball. We're not friends anymore and I am not sure why but initially he got me thru a lot of weird shit.
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I lose a lot of friends either cause they think they can disrespect me or they get mad and won't tell me why. I have like 3 friends I trust for real and even there on a not fully, I need a lot of reassurance I can trust them cause of shit I been thru.
Yeah, that's me. 6'3".
Nah I don’t work in hospitals. Group homes. That @Networth shit fuckin’ wild. He in love, huh?
An older repost I was thinking about tonight... I mean shit still going on but it's where I stand and why I like the song.
Too Late
So I'm still pacing and I'm 43
You know that only happens when I lose Free
I'm a stay with the long jumpers cause you left me at ghost
That doesn't mean shit to a lot of people but the ones who knew me the most
Buttons, stripes, but look what I didn't know what they were doing to me
You recover... the best part of insanity
But what you don't get back is something you ain't ever going to see
I better turn to dust when them angels come back for me
And that drop down... his and his too
You just have to accept a side whether I did or do
Just got abused to a point that’s beyond all proportions
If you don’t make them stop forcing me to kiss my own hands…
They gonna lose more then the promises of their fortune
Woke up spitting glitter and it’s been beyond hell ever since
Bitches thinking they funny but this is way more than just pranking innocence
I don’t know if it’s too late to run back home
But how you even left me like this too – fuck it - is it just “let a bitch roam?”
They won’t let me back up and I’m gagging every day
The pain is excruciating because I refuse to do what they say
The order too tall and I don’t deserve all this shit
Hissing, biting bed rails… nobody protecting me… shit!!!
They saw a pic or 2 and now they won’t stop forcing me to give the finger
Clapping my hands, hurting me, it’s so fucking sick and excruciating I can’t even hold on right now,
while they just wish I would hate, blame, or bring her
I’m in so much pain I can barely spit out this verse
You act like I wasn’t always living a curse
I’m exhausted, yesterday I almost passed out again this is all too much
So they clap my hands even harder, 7 years past – I’m already gone – and all that other shit and such
The physical pain is too much and it’s way too sick
I’m to the point of not even caring how illegal suicide is…. Bitch SUCK MY DICK
Get them out of my fucking body
WTF are you even doing this to me for or why
When the time comes we don’t need no alibi
What? do they cum to me screaming and crying?
Figure this shit out cause I’m not the one lying
They act like we on the same side or that I’ll ever forgive them
It is a casualty – if that’s whats up, they have no rite to live then
Why would I aim or take the rockets there?
Just 2 sides, sipping again, watching every move as I stare
hey girl i been around..
just im a mod on another board so i mostly stay there i was here for the ppv
@Soule ... nice!
@Cody _nash you told me that sorry. Nah networth just another one on the site that wrote me back to the beat I dropped. I don't know where he dissapeared to though. Post more of your shit I wanna hear it.
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Hey @Candy what board you mod? Do you get paid for it or is volunteer?
On the breathes in my body... it’s gross like how I’m disrespected like that and for what? I just smoked... hoping I can sleep tonight despite waking up at 9pm - I cant seem to get my body clock back on schedule.
What’s with all the stuff about hissing? I notice you talk a lot about hissing and “get them off me” when you speak.
For sure! Here’s my old stuff -
www.thatkidcry.bandcamp.com
www.YouTube.com/thatkidcry
www.SoundCloud.com/thatkidcry
Go crazy!
i mod over at https://www.grindorgohome.com/forums...Writer-s-Stage
soule helps mod it with me now because my last guy when i was running it by myself who got assigned to it got covid and had to have surgery..
we just do the writing open mic section but its volunteer.. tech i get paid from the australian government not to work.. sickness benefit and i get paid about $460 a week.. but the american government which is resi and jook took me in for volunteer because i still want to work.. but it doesnt count as volunteer because its more of a hobby.. so i work there but i dont work there - hehe my insurance knew what i meant by that and gave me a cash out of $100k so that was sweet
@Candy Damn must be nice I've been denied by dissabilty like 7 times already. And the hissing... I don't know I just get frustrated and breath thru clenching my teeth and it makes a hissing noise. I hate it, it actually makes me feel retarded and I thank god it's never happened in public. When did you move to Australia or are you native. Me and my sister joke about moving there cause we both were audited on some dumb shit and had to pay back mad money from taxes. I didn't even do shit!!!! Like they were like something wrong with this year taxes, I showed proof and they corrected it, then they like no it's this years taxes, finally at the third year I just said fuck it and paid what ever they were asking for. The tax union of the government has no checks and balances and are at their own authority I think and it's impossible to fight the shit that they say. I'm gonna go read your stuff brb!
@Candy you have great music... I like your style... I book marked the page so I can listen as I go to sleep. Sleeping is super hard for me and it takes hours and hours to fall asleep, it is so annoying.
I love this woman
You suck.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cody Nash
@I_got_shine ... thank you! LoL
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I think I'm coming down with something... hitting the bed early... I'm a go play your stuff and hope it helps... cause the hours it takes to fall asleep is like torture it's so annoying.
You are welcome beautiful
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We girls
We stick together
You can share anything with me I won't tell unless it's ok with you
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I hope you feel better
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I hope you have a good nightQuote:
Originally Posted by A Disciple
lol thanks.. it is really hard..Quote:
Originally Posted by A Disciple
this tupac clip covers how hard it is..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_j5raqC20g
i had to go through like nearly 100 tests to see if i really am insane so you can look at it like that through the eyes of the people you are as normal as them :)
nice on the tax issues hehe get em girls
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thanks ma you kick ass yourself - feel free to sign up and drop an open mic sometimesQuote:
Originally Posted by A Disciple
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me to xoxo and youQuote:
Originally Posted by I got shine
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wicked im just listening to zombie prolly top it off with ems verseQuote:
Originally Posted by A Disciple
Candy you a mf’ing real one dawg. You always posting the bops.
thanks bra love you to xoxo
@I_got_shine you're the sweetest ever THANK YOU!
@Candy I love Pac to death and in psychosis's seeing him has saved my life. Like he still VERY much alive to me and I will tell you why. I didn't notice it was him under the train station in harlem that night... it was a girl that asked for a cigarette and then she nodded like pay attention. Then way years later I am at a friends hotel room and I thought I saw his ghost thru him got scared and ran out. The room got busted like an hour or two later and they all went to jail. Then in myrtle beach when I was hit he was yelling at me to wake up. To most recently at work an old lady came up to me and told me she liked my fatigue pants, asked for a cig, and then there was another old lady wandering confused in the parking lot in front of a late model mercedes. I don't like late model anything car wise for real... but still trying to figure out what that was supposed to say or mean. Also my friend Jamie committed suicide last year and she had pac quotes all over her page. She asked me to find some pills for her and I didn't and I thank god I didn't cause if I did she would've used them and me to do it. I started to study Pac, when I bought my ex one of his books and went thru it and saw he doodles when he writes too sometimes. He wouldn't accept the gift and gave it back to me but when I look back I would say random things that I would dismiss like "Are they waiting for my funeral to admit it and just be togther" and stuff like that. The dream I had getting shot in the passenger seat and etc and how the song "Until the End of Time" is exactly me and my ex that I started marching with to even begin with. There is so many songs I can pin point like "Are You Still Down" etc. The bandana, the videos, the irony of it all. I do want to learn more about him. I believe he is an angel. And sometimes I feel he is still alive... at least in spirit. And I believe as white as I am he was there for my original promise. Took me forever to remember how to spell that word a sec. Sometimes I wonder if when he's red, I'm white... and vice versa. But one day I'm a figure it all out. Hail Mary remind me of the night Chris got murdered and in Norwalk when I moved into the apartment my land lord was showing me how to vaccuum the AC and his kid spilled curry the night before and it still smelled like it in the vaccuum (We won't worry it willl all curry) so at first when I woke up I didn't worry... I got hit like a mother fucker for that though. That's why I love Pac and believe he is an angel for real. I don't know much of the biggie and pac story but even with Big after my ex got robbed he had a gun on the table and I picked it up and said "Let me see that clip" joking. Stuff like that... and I do believe it is because I have the blood of Chris on my body and that is why all the connections and angels and demons and crazy shit. I just don't understand the nightmare, and why a nightmare - like did I do something wrong? And stuff like that... All Eyes... I can explain it easy - teach them how to do something or show them how you do something and stuff like that. I guess I been weird or different since I was 13 but my sister says what changed me is when Chris got murdered and that is when I started seeing slow mo and etc. so I don't know. But any pac clips are invited. Just trying to come to terms with and make sense of it all too. Like a letter from his ~ Unborn Child. I'm not born again... I'm just up.
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@Candy I was listening to your albums while falling asleep last night... I think it helped a little but it was hard to pay attention to the words. BUt you write about real things I'm trying to learn more about alone. So I appreciate the help too.
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I heard the word, I nodded yes... but don't ask me what you said or what it means.
I love you @ Candy
You're welcome @ Dis
Thanks love
thanks you guys i am glad you appreciate much love much love
I'm having a good day today... I am SO happy I woke up at 10am and not 10pm!!! I did sleep for like 2 days though. I wrote some shit and had to look up some words and laughed cause substance abuse (osar) seems to be the key to it all... It's time to go 100 again I suppose. ;o( My Psych got a new position within the practice and I have to find a new one. I'm a little upset about that cause for once I had a good dr. I'm going to buy a journal I think and start writing there at night again. Bother you people less even though I appreciate the support like you wouldn't believe. @Candy I'm really impressed with your music... it's helping me to sleep too. Thank you for sharing.
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Sadness Part I
https://www.bing.com/search?q=sadnes...vLKS6MNJrgHgFo
(Start at horns after the munks sing)
This song used to scare the shit out of me when I was a kid
But not as much as ever doing a bid
This and “One” and now I play it sleep, I believe I won
The wall is like a tree frozen in time…
But do they lay awake or resting in rhyme
The dark I saw, but it was the light that scared me
Light as a feather stiff as a board, please come back Hail Mary
My favorite part of church was the stories, the candles, and the black smoke thrown
I showed up that day wearing purple, I know whose soul they will forever own
I’ve been blessed with compassion, it is why I can forgive
But you can’t see past an image either…
It’s just how you choose to live
You don’t want to make mistakes when you’re allowed to walk both sides
But treason is usually the reason a whole usually divides…
(After the girl says de woin and the munks)
Demois so they say sirt enter light.
Belle un du twee so lah for more. And in alla twee do you submise. Bestch to pway. Demois.
Do you unto fall in a grace or do you vioux to lie un um bate. “Release early and often” know
Demois - Why do you stay so busy bulte un da breach. Lay say no until a dawn… demois… voule be twine a heading. Osar, Osar in between a dream that is so heavy. Be win. Be last. Be fine.
“In nominee Christi, Amen” ~ In the name of Christ Amen.
(Breathing and let the song play out)
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I told you all es tu meant so what ;o) LoL
its all yours
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really awesome piece gl in the tournament
Thanks... you too @Candy
I’ve been having to take Tylenol every night again for almost a week again cause the pain is unreal. I don’t know how to make them stop or how they got on me to even begin with.
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I guess the way to describe it with the pain and how and where... it’s feels like you been beat down only your half way dead in a coma and when the pain stop like the hospital gave you morphine or something. Like it’s so impossible you can’t help but wonder if you’re dead or alive, more like in between... Cause my face and neck pain right now is unreal. But if I put my hands to my face and go to the people who are hurting me it will stop... I don’t fucking think so!!!! Everything I been thru since I woke up? Like if you people are that sick to sit there and watch and hurt someone just cause you think it’s some new blood... you’re dead wrong and I can’t stand with you!
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The pain is unreal... do you know how many times I’ve had to go to sleep at night or try to sleep thru it especially at work? At least 100 EASY and even then I’m probably counting it WAY short. I’m to the point idgaf... I just want them all off me!!!! It’s a god but it is definitely not mine!!!!
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Like I understand that too... but when it’s MY god... I’m just normal like when I went to go pick up my friend... when they started to hit to begin with...
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Popping my ear or pinning my face and excruciating pain and shit doesn’t impress me and every last one of them has to leave me alone
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The spirits and family that force me to kiss my hands, share my body with them, they try to change my god and my religion at that too!!!! They just have to go... they don’t even get the chance to explain or come back now. Why I’m the one sick because they’re the ones demanding without even a right to!
Yeah was tripping last night... feeling more sober on a mental level today though... smh I swear sometimes it’s like being drunk and waking up to hear all the stupid shit you did.