First Contact

First Contact
By: Novade

http://media-files.gather.com/images...96/f3/full.jpg

She was my everything...

When our eye’s first met and locked into focus
I saw a beauty unmatched, yet often unnoticed
My first word’s burned as I burst and an emoted
An invocation of interest, while the infinite prose’s
To be written then exposed with, a heart full of gold
And a tongue full of slogans, of the lock on my soul
From your hot little pose and the voice you compose with
Had me caught in the moment, robbed of my breath
Lost in the current’s and motions of an emotional ocean
Invoked and emboldened, confidence open exposed with
The way I was walking and controlling those moments
I was selling myself, now I’m buying you roses
Those shoes you admired and diamonds imposed in
Platinum bands with white gold in the bracelets
Proud of our devoted flirtation’s despite being devoted
And mated, we remain with focus and patience
-Love under pressure, held up in the waves
When through thick and then thin
Didn’t get between us, it just thickened our skins
So if you’re listening in, this is unprecedented dedication
-Together to death,
and when you rest, I’ll reminisce and embrace it
-Bringing flowers to your grave,
with tears on my face till my day’s end
always remebering,


she was more then a friend.....

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...503/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...215/index.html

Up.

i liked this, had a poetry feel to it, lyrics were good, like use use of words such as:
Lost in the current’s and motions of an emotional ocean
Invoked and emboldened, confidence open exposed with
^cool bar man. like it
..seem to tell a story & vocab was cool. nice drop

thanks

Up..

roar

never read from you before.. this was good.. you have the skill of someone who has been doing this awhile.. I'm gonna guess your an alias or from another site? I dont know but I liked this

Is the girld dead at the end or dying.. that part did have me confused there.. but besides that the flow and the rhymes were flawless.. it was emotion driven and powerful.. a great drop.. almost HOF worthy I'd say

the flow was on point and never slacked off the story telling was a nice hit but it could have been more metaphorically detailed to show off more creativity... but none the less it was still a great read nothing too fancy at all man. great read and i also like the diction and lyrical content

nice read

The way I was walking and controlling those moments
I was selling myself, now I’m buying you roses

damn.. that was fire right there son

this piece was real as fuck dude. enjoyed it thoroughly.

To be written then exposed with, a heart full of gold
And a tongue full of slogans, of the lock on my soul
^^
My favorite line i like how you worded this the toungue full of slogans? nice you had a nice flow an a gret story telling ! but this had me reading at least twice i felt you been doing this who was you before?? lol but overral this was good work nov! xD keep writting here

Always novade, just been doing this for a min, thank you everyone for the feed, hope you keep reading

woah this is cool bro, keep it up

Mhmmm..

Feed Please.

&^^^^

Yeah, def. had a poetry feel to it.

The piece was unique and stood out alot. The vocab was above average and the imagery and description was good. You did a pretty good job of wording this aswell. I'm sure others can relate too which makes the reader get a better & more personal understanding. My fav. was the first bar, you took what was cliche and flipped it.

Good drop Novade.

Thanks

/awaits feed/

......

Upity.

Up.

i liked this alot , you had a good use of multis and a nice rhyme scheme in there, I also liked the words you were using aswell , it did make it seem very poetic. Yeahh man keep it up! 8/10

thanks much,up

Thought this was a real soid drop nothing negative to. Say about this one bro. Felt th imagery, that's were you really shine man tons of imagery and solid deepconcepts/ thoughts werd nice drop playa peace

Quote:

---

An invocation of interest, while the infinite prose’s
To be written then exposed with, a heart full of gold
And a tongue full of slogans, of the lock on my soul

---

Great lines....loved this drop overall....great job...

thank ya

Quote:

---

I was selling myself, now I’m buying you roses

---

I like that there. Well, this submission was very emotional in tone and style. The word choice was - it seemed you were trying too hard to use complex word choices instead of being descriptive of the moment in a natural and essential way. In your next verse to come, don't try to sound so intelligent in writing. Another problem I had is your grammatical errors. Touch up on that. I had your problem years ago, bringing too much wording into the story without adequate meaning and relevance. Shave it down, be more blunt and mysterious. We are curious people. And, the storyline has been done to death, coincidently. Be unique, be less passionate and more theatrical. You are too poetic and lacking in climactic material. Another writer with potential, I enjoyed the imagry in this verse a lot. Keep writing, your next submission should be mapped out like a movie, beginning, middle, climax, ending. Make sure it would be good in theatres...we will see what you come up with.

I gotta say. This was nice. Im not much of a dude to point out every baby mistake because in this verse, I dont think there were any. YOur wordplay was nice and this was a good one.


Check out My open mic

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...341/index.html

Thanks..

your flow was flawless...
your multis was good...
your vocab was good...
your focus was on-point...
your creativeness was nice yet simple...
^^ meaning it was good because of the vocab and concept but simple because the concept was about your love one which is not hard to do but the way you did it is hard to mimic i hope you understand and is not confused...

fav lines:
She was my everything...

When our eye’s first met and locked into focus
I saw a beauty unmatched, yet often unnoticed
My first word’s burned as I burst and an emoted
An invocation of interest, while the infinite prose’s
To be written then exposed with, a heart full of gold
And a tongue full of slogans, of the lock on my soul
From your hot little pose and the voice you compose with
Had me caught in the moment, robbed of my breath
Lost in the current’s and motions of an emotional ocean
Invoked and emboldened, confidence open exposed with
The way I was walking and controlling those moments
I was selling myself, now I’m buying you roses
Those shoes you admired and diamonds imposed in
Platinum bands with white gold in the bracelets
Proud of our devoted flirtation’s despite being devoted
And mated, we remain with focus and patience
-Love under pressure, held up in the waves
When through thick and then thin
Didn’t get between us, it just thickened our skins
So if you’re listening in, this is unprecedented dedication
-Together to death,
and when you rest, I’ll reminisce and embrace it
-Bringing flowers to your grave,
with tears on my face till my day’s end
always remebering,


she was more then a friend.....

lmfao i could not just pick a line i thought the whole shit was good man and very well enjoyed...

9/10 ( the highest i ever rated any open mic so far )

RTF please i have 2 open mics...

Yoo shit was beautiful, poetry was crazy and type intense for that short read, I liked it a lot

"when our eyes first met and locked into focus,
I saw a beauty unmatched, yet often unnoticed,
My first words burned as I burst and emoted,
An invocation of interest, while the infinite proses"

Those first bars are my fav, great shit keep them coming

thank yal..

This was a pretty touching piece man.. On the poetic side.. I had the feeling of melonchaly from the start for some reason.. Everything was fluent and flowed pretty well. Detailing in the jewlery and in all was exceptional..

Those shoes you admired and diamonds imposed in
Platinum bands with white gold in the bracelets
Proud of our devoted flirtation’s despite being devoted
And mated, we remain with focus and patience

^ this was my fav. good couple bars.

appreciate it fam.

okkkk

risennn

uped

never read any shit from you before.
i felt the way you got deep with feelings,
and i found it easy to flow through,
all together nice drop bro.
-Re Create