~Dark Green Woods~

inside the dark green woods i stroll, pathways littered wit souls....
that flicker wit gold,plants thatll trip ya then hold,sickly and cold....
drafty air seeps through tha bushes,leaves that weep tears gushin....
feel isolated its to deselant,thoughts hesitant,some force pushin....
lost as i stroll up and down tha trail,tha rain that fell,i strain to smell....
i could see this site even if my sight was brail,to bright to tell....
inhale aromas sweet and pleasant,close to ammonia deep in presence....
leak its essence,i intake what it breaks and conceal tha presents....
gifts it gives,shiftin bids, in my favor for which one lives longest....
dependant on which ones hid,this ones sick but strongest....
discovered the path to tha forest in a cave,behind tha graves....
a simple maze that deserved no praise,in this forest ive camped for days....
rich with life and streams with fish,all this food ive deemed my dish.....
this blade gleams in fist,no wish i exist and persist to live in bliss....
small cabin built my buds growin,fruits and vegetables start showin....
no need to go back no exit glowin,its cool all day but never snowin....
it seems ive stumbled on a sacred and forgotten place,my shots replaced...
im content with my life on tha ground,dont wish to be shot to space....
one early mornin i stroll down a pass,leaves and shrubs grown over....
i pass through tha entrance cobwebs on my shoulder,tha air gets colder...
tha mist in my eyes it forms a disguise,shaded and high,unable to die....
then appears a stone statue of a decrepted being,slots on his thighs....
its seemed to stream a green fluid from his mouth to the mote below....
a bird exposed her note, this scenes serene as that glow emotes....
a few steps more and your right at tha bottom,to tha right is a grotto....
lean down to taste tha liquid,my eyes glow orange like autumn.....
i feel invincible dispense my sense unmentionable,then i hear a snap.....
to my surprise a tree limb cracked,plungin forward to my back.....
stood up after a few minutes to find myself unharmed,every color bright...
i stumbled onto a legend that never existed,tha magic fountain of life.

t'was okay.

btwdbzsuxyo

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=215773

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=215763

i dont really care....your opinion on dbz doesnt really affect me...

uppin for more replies.~1~

this was ok...the flow wasn't special but it was iight.it got a little shaky at parts..you had a little too much adjectives for me personally but it was ok..that's good i guess..my favorite lines were the last 4..

this drop was ok..just work on flow and a little rhymscheme...everything else is pretty much on point

greeeaaat imagery mayne... sick rhyming....nice poetic essence in the words... good story...
nice suspense

stay up

Yo its whatever what others thought...

I liked this man..You have the vocab there..I mean honestly though I think this was a dope piece..I mean The description of this is really good..It pretty much puts you right in those shoes..and that is what makes a good writer..keep it up..I will look forward to reading more from you..Also to add..not just the last 4 (which were dope) but the whole thing was good...

discovered the path to tha forest in a cave,behind tha graves....
a simple maze that deserved no praise,in this forest ive camped for days....

^^thats dope...

i appreciate it man...uppin.~1~

Hmm..well this was a pretty decent drop.. i was really feeling it .. you had some nice structure..some lines were alittle stretched but it was overall good..you had some nice vocab and wordplay usuage.. it could have been alittle better if it was alittle more complex..but it was good... i liked the feelings you used in this drop..you had nice emotions..going into your drop..and it really made the reader feel like he was really living through it..nice imagery.. keep it up fam .. nice job ..

thanks man...appreciate it.

uppin

uppin once again.~1~

alright i c u posted in my piece so i came to see urs in return of a favor

im diggin it man rhyming wuz good and so wuz the structure
flow wuz good but lost it a couple times
add more multis in this it wuld be good some were stretched but other than that
the words were good
vocab wuz nce and lacked in some areas that needed it

other than this i liked the peace man keep writing ill look for more pieces by you

up.

Good concept, the imagery was real good, the structure was great, the vocabulary was on point, not that much to say it was a another good drop of yours.

it was iight, the complex wasnt there really,the vocab was good and i likes the way this flowed, I would advise to let it jus come to you instead of stressin for a rhyme.
also my fav line's was "drafty air seeps through tha bushes,leaves that weep tears gushin....feel isolated its to deselant,thoughts hesitant,some force pushin...."

U gd at creatin imagery with words and thats hard 2 do,
gd structure, gd wordplay and strong flo
cant fault it.

thanks...and to tha cat above you...tha line you said is your fav incorporates complexity...up.

uppin for more replies

i liked this. it was good. the imagery is what caught me most. that was by far the best aspect of this piece. it was written fairly solid and i liked your word choice. vocab was nice as well, it really fit this piece. the only thing i can really pick out that could be improved was your wordiness. it seems like you could have cut some of those lines down 4-5 syllables and it would have made for a more smooth read. also because of the extra words your meter was thrown off in two or three parts. this was good though. a nice solid enjoyable read. keep it up i will be reading more of your work from now on.

appreciate it.god..up.

Just like Sobe said, the last 4 lines really stuck out with me also, the flow and ish fell off just a tad at times, but overall it was pretty well written, i really liked the approach at the topic also.

good job with that, the structure was pretty solid, and so was the descriptive words, those were the main strong points that hit me, good job.

i appreciate it.~1~

all in all you need to elevate. very whack. you need to work on strucutre and your flow was off here and there. this is an open mic section not sacred scripctures.
and you need to pick a beat and rap to it.

overall this was shit.

http://tinypic.com/a44m4m.jpg

def. a dope drop...
Nice vocab, im not sure i see where it could have been elevated, THAT much more..
I see what ya sayin bout the structure... ya rhymes flowed together good..
a very complex drop...
1

LMMFAO!!!!!!!!!!...omy god my sides hurt...there is one thing i love about newbies...they got jokes..funny sense of humor..anyway...yea ok...thats fun....well..now back to tha replys...up.

thanks man...apprecisate it.

no problem

it was good i like the scheme and stlye

up.

up.

yo this shit was tight i personally thought. i like your rhyme scheme alot, it makes the flow bangin. if you put that shit onto an audio, it would sound dope i bet. but anyway, your first bar pulled me in right away. the imagery was real nice. 'n i saw some people say that lines were a little stretched... that shit doesnt matter as long as it flows, which yours did... so i wouldnt really think anything about that. keep this shit comin man,liked it alot.

good scheme and i liked the idea

pretty good nice struture and flow overall good

you already replied the reason...but thats tight or what ever...thanks Jay

uppin one last time..a few more replies

Yo i was really feelin diz. Nice flow, voacabulary n all. Nice rhyme scheme 2. U got talent. Keep em comin. Hit up da links in my sig if u can 4 me.

thnks...up.

up.~1~