JuSt SoMe ShIt

:shoot:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=99897
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=99886
[url]http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=99900

My mother has no concept of my own decisions
So I need to make some mother fuckn' revisions
I dont want to end up like these nasty as street bums
digging through the trash cans for damn hamburger buns
but by the way things are going... I'm gonna do that
So the question is where's the fuckn' halfway house at?
Do they allow animals? I need my calico cat
She is a kitten... add an S... you've got my name down pat
I'm a newbie at rhyming to gimme a break
I don't know what the hell I'm doing for Christ's sake
But maybe rhymers need all the damn words they can make
lookn' through the dictionary... next weapon to take
I may be off by a fuckn' syllable or two
but Im not a pro... do you expect me to be you?
Ontop of that... I'm catching a cold or maybe the flu
put my life on hold 'till I'm fucking good as new
Mom... I need you to stop being crazy or just plain you
I'm a ninteen year old baby who really needs you
And we can't communicate if you worry too much
you think I'm doing drugs... just an intuition hunch

yo......

not bad at all the idea and concept are there.....wordplay is a little simple....bar length and structure was real good.
you lack complexity which isnt bad if you want to rhyme simple but to elivate you need better word usage and some degree of complexity ....also your verse had no climax which makes almost dull to read through focus on that.

yo that was aight
gud structure n flow ok
keep at it
elevate bruv
sfe

feedbak>>>http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=99921
sfe
peace out

Really nice work, Skitten...

Primitive in places.

Format needs work.

Vocab could use a lift.

But your message was pretty damn good.

Lot's of emotion and depth to this.

That is of course, if you're female.

If you're a dude, I might be thinking: wuss!

But either way, this came off real nice.

6.50/10

Thanks guys. Im working on making it more complex. I am also working on the ending. Thanks for feedback.

i thought the concept was good...but could have been delivered a touch better,,,but ya still got the meaning across....a lil work on wordplay n shit and you got it...simple in places...but in some cases it dont need complexity...pZ....nice work.....jus work it