Hi my name is Newbie 1st spit

Hi im Newbie, and i wanna improve my skills. Just keep in mind im a beginner.

Here goes:

Cos Im lyrically da slickest rapper, got my drug money stashed in Cuba and overseas accounts in Bermuda

Im telling u now looks can be deceiving, with my smooth flow i got ur girl receiving all my semen while u keep dreamin about seamen,
stop looking secretly at sailormen, cos by now everyone knows ur bent, like a cheap male wh0re for rent, u only goin places where old ulgy rich men got dollaz to spent
so now ur trying to save ur face on da net, try to compete with da best, wannabe mc's tryin to put ME to da test?? --> but rest assured, son u won't be bored,
when u hear da guns clapping u betta hit da floor, listen up all u fakers lets make dis hardcore, dis will make me spill ur blood even more

I get my inspiration across da nation, cos im delivering class A's for addicts like u for ya daily lyrical hallucination

come against me and ill end ur family history, because on dis thread there is only room for ME and my true life story, wid ur b|tch a$$ lyrics ur just makin me feel horny, so that's why im gona explore u deeply anally cos i know u enjoy that gay $hit openly

Be a dumb guy, lets see how high u can fly before u hit da ground and slowly die
im already dead im just here to smack u flat on ur back, i dont approve of u injecting all dat smack, u a small timer, so just stick to low grade crack

And i wont rest,

untill i get you and ur crew addicted to snow and get u dancing around my pole like a cheap a$$ h0e,
u cant flow, u only gona end up da mortuary wid a nameless tag around ur toe as John Doe
cos mothertrucker ur too slow try to kill me and ill com for your soul, like da Brandon in da "Crow", you'll absorb my bullets whilst im smoking my homegrown

Thats right son i said homegrown, I own all da dope u buy of da streets, so think about that next time u be rolling da weed, cos on a daily basis ill be planting white widow seeds, haha you'll be needing my grass to put ur mind at ease cos wid these lyrics ill drown u in da deep

So son just remember after bringin out da Smith & Wesson, its time u remembered dis lesson, after all da violence there's only gona b silence......dont speak cos ill put u to sleep......

I dont mean no disrespect to nobody. Comments appreciated. If u think im lame, pls also explain why (puts flame suit on).

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names or this gets closed...Read The Sticky for the rules..

But this was alright...your structure could use some work though i think, your lines are kinda like in a paragraph form and you should put them line on top of line so its easier to read and fallow...but just work on your stuff and keep at it.

Oh shhhhh i can edit it anymore.......

i did 1 reply so far

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...720#post980720

hit up 2 more queick the post it as a rply here so atleast you tried
BY THE WAY THIS WASNT BAD AT ALL
NEEDS SOME WORK BUT YOU GOT TALENT JUST NEED IT FINE TUNED

pretty good man...you had some creative lines...the way you set your stuff up you might write pretty good oetry you should try it out...keep elaveten mayn you got talent...peep my stuff thanks mayn

yeh i thought it wasnt bad for a nwb, i remember when i was a newb an i was worse han that.
you cant do much else apart from elevate

that was some hot hot shit newbie. most nigagz at ur level can't even spit like that. change your structure a little and ur in there.
chek out my battle and tell me what you think.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=98208

Holla at em

pretty good read...Ya structure wasn't great cause ya seemed to stretch ya Lines out....not bad flow but try and extend ya Vocab....Just elevate a Bit And Ya Will have it aiight Peace.......

Thanks for the feedback, so far few people on here have told me i need finetuning, but how am i gonna do that?

My lyrics slice like a razor tru ur brains
but ur lyrics r like a clipper to my toe nails
You just cant handle my lyrical stress & strain
young boys rapping about blood stains
but so far you've only seen ketchup stains

all bark but no bite,
badbways talking slick & tryin to get their spot in da limelight
not knowing ive got dis $hit locked in my sniper sight

You kids rapping lines about someone's mum
dats why i gave urs sum
Yeah sum of da good $hit,
That's why I got her screaming like that rapper "Gimme sum mo!!"
just like an addicted heroin h0e
Who could have thought I could make her talk like Busta,
or even drown her in vodka
I snuck in da forum like an undacova

U lot aint gangstaz, moving ounces and bars thinkin ur bigtime
that will change once i get u lookin at da barrel of my nine

young fools still in school
tryin to rhyme cool
but u got a lot to learn cos ur sounding like J-Lo's JaRule

U guys just bin watching Shady's DVD
but noobie is da real P.I.M.P

dats why I got ur chick rubbing her lips down my pole
cheap b|tch sold me her soul
got her addicted to blow,
she o-d'd and now her speech is slurred and too slow

Thats why people call me da lethal lyricist,
time for for u to bend over so i can have some fun wid ma fist
no need for me to put u on my hitlist
cos afta dis battle u gona put da knife to ur wrist

Uve been declared dead clinically,
u just couldnt handle my vocabulary,
thats why i own dis forum like da greatest mc
for all you mothertruckers to envy
u all just got dissed by a newbie

Once again: no disrespect to anybody, i hope u like this one.