Come TOGETHER

/see we all joined in one way or another,
sister or brother, father or mother.
religon, gang colour or other.
its time to come together./


when you look at the world what do you see,
a group of individuals fightin on land and sea.
streets is warzones, fightin over shit like coke and E.
suburbs is gettin wrecked cuz they the funders with money.
Its time to stop bein greedy and just set our souls free.
Let go of all the idealistic individualist ideas and just be we.
Together we could be the army of peace
No need for our own little piece.
No more dark clouds and disturbing weather.
Its about time we all come together.


/see we all joined in one way or another,
sister or brother, father or mother.
religon, gang colour or other.
its time to come together./


how many times on the news have u seen a motherfucker dead,
took a bullet through the head cuz he decided to wear red.
parents cryin as they lay him in his new underground bed.
theres no more reason for this shit, do as Christ said,
'do un to others as u wish they do un to you'
Imagin if someone had relayed that and told the other crew,
the boy would still be alive, and his parents would stop cryin too.
but some just have to much pride, and aspire nothin but leather.
enough of this,the world would be better, if we all came together.


/see we all joined in one way or another,
sister or brother, father or mother.
religon, gang colour or other.
its time to come together./

State 3 names, or links to open mics u replyed to else this will be deleted, ..thank you..

i replied to:
C rocka
poetictendenceez
Evolve

This was alright i thought.....structure wise it was ok, needs fixed up in a few spots though, cause you have some longer lines and shorter lines, try keeping them around the same length to help it out....flow was ok, try adding some multies to help it out though....but overall this was alright...keep at it.

OK... The topic a little over done and your rhyme didnt seem overly compicated and lacked flow in some parts. You have tallent and some good thoughts especially good imagery though.

man, true shit yo flow about. don't let anybody put you down dog, it aint no star search, its just anotha hobbie dog. that hip hop fury. i know you flow for your own pride likewise here. my thoughts are my own and nobody can talk shit about it cuz its anotha thing we love like baseball, football or basketball.

this wasnt too bad....a little simple and could use some metas and multis....it would add the the read...but yeah as it is....still ok....jus keep working on complexity......pZ...topic was ok too