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Keystyle (No Sicker)
Yo, it don't get no sicker than this.
Slittin' yo wrists while I piss on you, bitch.
Got the madd keystyles comin' from my shit,
And when I pause for a second, my flow still don't miss.
I got the loudest voice up in the house.
If you step to me, I stomp you like a mouse.
Take your girl home with me, and take off her blouse,
Get her twat so hot only Bad Andy can douse.
I get so stoned I almost die, motherfucker.
Don't even think you've been that high, motherfucker.
You better not even try, motherfucker.
'Cause I don't want blame when you cry, motherfucker.
I spit a few lines at a time,
See what you think of mine,
Smoke some dimes,
And still I think of more rhymes.
Got the fastest fingers in town,
Ask any bitch I got to lay down.
They all love it when Andy's around,
He got that madd flow and that captivatin' sound.
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This was basic.. I can tell your new to this.. Even thought you had some basic multis.. I find basic multis better than long one worded rhymes..Your progression was something to be questioned.. It wasn't an enjoyable read.. I found it more like a task.. Make it so its like enjoyable.. worth my while..
Pz
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I really don't want any beef for my critique. I'm just giving an honest opinion. This piece, while I know it was a keystyle, just seemed real amateurish. The first verse I liked. It had some nice multies, but from there it just deteriorated into a bunch of bragadocious lines. While that style can be tight if it has nice wordplay in it, this piece was pretty basic. I don't mean to be too harsh, I know this is just a keystyle, but I have seen other keystyles that are a lot better. I think if you worked on your vocab and wordplay and a little on your structure, you could have some real nice drops in the future.
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Glad to get honest opinions. Can't take anything away from "this sucks" or "this was pretty good". The more shit I hear to tell me what's wrong helps me get it right next time.
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reply to three other open mics, and post links to your replies in this thread or it gets deleted.
thanks.
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it was tight to me u just a lil bit crazy i'm not sayin that in a bad way doe but hit mine up at lil freestyle by lyricallycrazy03
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