R.I.P Crossroads

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...6&pagenumber=2
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...791#post915791
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...803#post915803

This goes out to all that have lost a loved one, especially one that is true
rest in peace, ill always remember those who had an impact in my life, through all the pain and strife
All i know, we all continue to grow and so, ill catch ya at the crossroads

I remember back in the school days me and young hove always
till this day i remember the way you had of making it a good day
never judged, never cared bout how you dressed, never stressed
i confess i respected you and you did the same we both came with similar game
had a plan to tame the flame and attain our dreams whether fame or no fame
last day i saw ya, we talked about business, not friendship but how we would win this
i miss you, but you told me everything would be cool when you returned, your goin on a trip
flipped my life fucked it up your van got hit by a truck, your head struck the seat and blood dripped
even when i was told i gripped onto the thought it had to be a mistake, it cant be real
feel so empty but i couldnt escape the pain that was dealt to me through this deal
still i believe that ill get to shake ya hand at the crossroads, hold my head up and let go
so cold, your funeral i saw so many that you didnt even know, let alone they showed up to skip class
glass thoughts turn swiftly to crooked knots, your father was escorted out in a bed\
i shed a tear and thats when I feared i would never see you again, looked at your brother, nodded and shuddered
sent an eerie feelin up my spine i confined all my emotion inside for a year and now i see things clear

Hook:
follow the road your intended and send nothin but love
young hove rest in peace, may your ideals never cease
All i know, we all continue to grow and so, ill catch ya at the crossroads

Another one i wish was still here is Merick, one so terrific always cared about the family
simply put, she made me look on life a whole different way, after that day.. i knew everything would be okay
mabye.. it was a cold winter night ice scattered the streets and sent the car into a truck flipped and stuck
truck driver was uninsured, wasnt even tested to be drunk, i wish i could kill that stupid fuck
tuck my emotions away, though nobody could visit her in the hospital, we all hoped she was ok
then we went in and saw her, i remember the day, I remember the look on my moms face
even in this place she was so happy she was alive, that day was an emotional race
so many years past and merick was great, wiped the slate though, college was no longer the fate
though the accident gave her so many more problems, health wise, but atleast she was alive
she was still always there, always cared, never judged, never held a grudge, nothing her heart couldnt budge
then one day, it was her time, she lay asleep never to wake, no more sunny days, we all cried, pain couldnt subside
but inside we all knew this day would come, we all had to succumb to the grim decision god has inflicted

Hook:
always take care of the sick, dont flick what is meant to stick
Merick rest in peace, may your ideals never cease
All i know, we all continue to grow and so, ill catch ya at the crossroads

Uppin for Feedback pplz

this was nice, bit long but nice all the same,
had the feel that it would make a good audio,
lyrics were nice, you had multis, btu they didnt seem forced which is good,
structure was a little bit of but overall this was a good read, keep it up :)


check this out,

A lesson in love
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=92692

This was tight ...this was tight. Kinda long though but no problem I still read it. It was nice. You flowed well. Keep spittin man

this was a nice piece.... your flow was on point and u had some nice vocab and multis in there.... it was too long though, but it would work good as an audio track.... u need to work on your structure, some things seem randomly put in... but this was pretty nice all round... peace and thanks for feedin my open mic

7/10

Very good. It was heartfelt and complex. These two lines was my favorite. she was still always there, always cared, never judged, never held a grudge, nothing her heart couldnt budge
then one day, it was her time, she lay asleep never to wake, no more sunny days, we all cried, pain couldnt subside. It isn't often that you hear an Emcee talk about loving a girl. This was a refreshing change of pace. One thing you need to work on is tripped and drip. I don't think they flow together that well. Keep at it!

I already replied to this. Return the favor

Corrupted Mind

sure ill return the fav sorry i been busy lately and havent been able to post thx for feedback, still uppin for more tho plz dont sleep

thought the song had lots meaning and lots of love for the one you lost

first- dont stretch ya bars... I tend to do this too, a good rule of thumb... dont make a line with any more than 10-12 words...
keep ya structure good
~AshY~!

Truth be told man this was like Biggie smalls shit(ready to die) I'm usually pretty casual with my replies but this was seriously good shit. I got chills. One thing I would have changed don't be afraid to start a new line or cut down your lines a little.I know what you mean about people showin up at funerals of people they didn't even come in contact with. That happened at my hs. keep on writing and im going to keep viewing. Good job. oh and rip for your people. hope thingz are better or at least the wound isn't as fresh. sorry for the length pz.