When darkness falls

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...778#post914778
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...788#post914788
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...799#post914799

anyone that replys just drop a link and ill get back to you.

When Darkness Falls


burgulars attack...under the cover of darkness,
sky pitch black...allows escape with minimal fuss,
targeting the weak...old people & single women,
the futures bleek...they should never be forgivin,
punished eternally...prison is not sufficent,
dealt with sternly...why go about it different,
devestation to victims...should be paid back 10 fold,
just the beginning...think of the many crimes untold,
traumtised people...having to fight to survive,
touched by evil...now scared to go outside,
bullets showered...innocence slaughtered like mules,
these cowards...only strike When Darkness Falls

thats tight dawg
i wrote a poem in that structure
good shit man
I woulda tried harder to make the finsher rhyme too
but i felt it anyway
one
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

WHY SO SHORT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
It was a nice little rhyme, flow was short and straight to the point. I really wanted to see more of this but it was cut off short. It was really nice to read, and it kept me interested(most open mics put me to sleep, they are that bad) Then it stopped. Nice job though, good to see some nice shit in here.

it was just a quick thing, i didnt have time to make it real long,

anyway glad you liked :) and uppin this......

it was an alright flow... it was really short, i tihnk if you would have elaborated some more on it, it would have come out better. Soem of the rhyme scheme in the beginning was a little off, but it peiced together nicely.

devestation to victims...should be paid back 10 fold,
just the beginning...think of the many crimes untold,
^^^was ur best line...

good drop overall, nice short read

whats up play?
great drop, like most of yours always has substance, good topic stayed on it throughout the piece tho short, but sweet. I feel like you could of put a chorus after that and made a whole nother verse probably anyways..
im uppin for feedback on:
R.I.P Crossroads

Short to the point, ..

Nice vocab good flow,..very enjoyable read = )

Props my man..

This was very short, I was feeling the flow throughout, it was flawless, the little image i picked up on was very good.. the only problem i saw with this was it was too short, but if you havent' got the time too write alot, then theres nuttin you can do, but a dope read. .

well it was straight dog, i use the same concept rhyme twice in one line that shit hot, but like everyone else said dog why so short make it longer maybe i can feel it more, and you can use multis to really get my attention, pretty good

Short, sweet and straight to the point.
Structure and ryhmescheme were good, as was the vocab.
But could be improved by makin it longer and makin the endin rhyme.
Good Work