S.S-Betrayed by Faith

Betrayed By Faith


every morning I would ride the bus to work and I'd
always talk to this old man who would sit beside me.
He'd tell me stories when he was young, his kids, money.
But one day he broke down and told me the story
when sadly he lost the mother of his children....
and was betrayed by faith.


Well, I was younger then, all these wrinkles werent relevant.
a fine young cadet then, not a retired washed out veteran.
back when music was music, not that shit you kids listen to.
My wife and wine were my great loves, so yes I'm only listing two.
well the wine came later and I'll tell you how that came around.
drinking away pain, trying to swim in sorrows I would drown.
shes had beautiful golden hair and emerald treasured eyes.
it'd be like floating in blue skys, how her love would mesmerize.
goose bumps run accross me just picturing her beauty.
but all that and more would cause any man insecurity.
curiosity to pry made me suspicious and act sorta jelause.
for being careless one day, is the reason I now care less.
I share this now so u wont make the same mistake that I did.
I'll forever search for her but in open space she keeps hiding.
I paid more attention to work, and no intention to make it work.
shed complain how I was never there, and to my kids I was a jerk.
I couldnt keep things stable trying to put food on the table.
cause my wifes affection was caught by another guy who was able.
that was faith, I would say, 10 years ago today, the eigth.
when she left me alone.......... and I was betrayed by Faith.......



Yes his wifes name was Faith that dirty bitch

I felt the story behind this. .It was delivered well with soem good imagery to help create a picture. .I had quite a sharp picture as the story progressed. .The comlexity of this piece was waaayy below that of the other piece you dropped previously. .

But still a VERY good read. .

yo good rhyme man i really like the story you told and how u told it. Everythin was good but i could have been a bit more complex but ya overall good drop.

hit this up w/ an honest vote if u could thanx.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...879#post880879

good shit my nizzle
the into set the verse up and it was well written
the imagery was good and flowed solidly
i enjoyed the read...compacted a good short story into quite few lines something i find hard to do
liked the descriptiveness of the wife...really improved it
and it was good to have a story that is told by someone else and listened to by the reader if u kno wat im saayin
props

Nice drop bro. Imagery was prevelant, vocab was up there, Flowed like a river.. which is always great. Lacked complexity, like you coulda went more in-depth.. but I was feelin the piece as a whole, so that can be overlooked. Lil intro set it up nicely.

Well, I was younger then, all these wrinkles werent relevant.
a fine young cadet then, not a retired washed out veteran.
^^ Great choice of openin bar cuz, was great.

I share this now so u wont make the same mistake that I did.
I'll forever search for her but in open space she keeps hiding.
I paid more attention to work, and no intention to make it work.
shed complain how I was never there, and to my kids I was a jerk.
^^ Damn good shit there man, thumbs up.

Keep droppin.. elevate with more complex pieces. (I haven't read any other drops from you, so if that comment is wrong, lemme know)



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=89235 ** Drop a Reply to that, I'd appreciate it**

-Formula.

Read Rules... follow them else i will delete this..

But this was nice, ..

Immagery was good, ..vocab was nice and it flowed very well..
concepts were not played..but nice, ..and this worked out to be a good nice read...

Ok I Peeped Three Other Ones.
yours and Potents , Fgee And some kid named GotHikA

Upin fuckas its a Bribe Exclusive.


O and thanks for the feedback Fellas

Yea....I thought the story was told out nicely....

It COULD be a more complex piece yes...but you have a base now to work with....can add to it and fill in parts with your imagination to create an even better piece!

Vocab was off the hook....you explain parts in detail...and I agree with everyone else....the opener really set the tone in this shit.

I've read some of your pieces....so it seems to me like another one of your regulars again man.....Lovin this shit....

Peep one of my two pieces......A Fool For Love(Emotion Cannot Beat Me) and Hate.....

Wow, I like how you placed me as some kid...

No worries...

Imagery was definitely vivid in this piece...

Wordplay was good, Flow was good...

Still gave the story it's meaning...

Deep emotions felt for this...

Keep em coming...