[Wk2] Edicius vs Deacon

Verses Due: Thursday October 15th
Voting Ends: Sunday October 18th

Topic: Obedient Mind

im cha cha checkin in folks.......should be in by thursday but thats when i get back from vacation....if not in thursday forsure friday...

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In^^

Gluck....

im goin 15 prolly

Alright i just finished a great piece and it was screwed over by an error sign......wow that pisses me off....i didnt save it so im starting over..be done in 15 mins hopefully...

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Thats fucked up ^^ lol

I post 2nite, ..

Im off now...

A mirror image of obedience

In the mydst of it all i profess..
paint me with your image, sinlessness
animate and recreate my iniquity ways
Catapult my innocence to a brighter day

Measure my faith in a matter of T.I.M.E
a Tiny Interlude Mydst Eternity to shine
a consequence which led me to believe
my pain preceded me easily, like the salt in sea

my body a chapel to council my brothers
your word conserves me to reach out to others
embody me to acknowledge all truth
You are the way, the name, my root

use me dearly and as for you the same
let death be my last enemy, amen

blah ahhh got rid of it finally....

haha

dont even ask me....my comp is being an idiot and it posted it twice....alright delete one of them

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:.Obedient Minds.:
A confused industrial complex,....tryin to maintain a unprecedented hype,
tryin to fit in,fail's so they try harder hidin behind alter ego's of any type.
bein obedient,tryin to protect, them selves from a painfull furter hummiliation,
Cuz in side their head its just a dubious unaccountable destroyed organisation.

:.Maybe its becuz.:
Consequently incorporations of... releasin... pain,
Resultin in a struggle,flowdin,in every single vain.
And its providin,crucial fuel for a symbiotic relation,
or are obedient minds just a victem of their own misinterpretation?.
Hidin behind, statements, of others,why so afraid to express themselves?,
bein obedient,to reactions intstead of lookin inside listenin to their selves.
Cant stand the thing called constructive critism,
indulgin,.... curious obidient minds their cynism.
Seems they are unable to orchastrate,.... plans to avoid the unwanted,
gettin exceptionally tense waitin impatiently on a place were wanted.

:.I Guess.:
That its always gonna stay the way is, ..same as peeps die'in daily from slugs,
Like imaginin a future,where the most valuable currency is not cash,gold,drugs.

I just wanted to say nice verses to both...

I would vote but I really dont understand topicals well enough to do so...

Sorry...

Props to both writers though
Good reads from both

Thanks alot man...lets get the votes going.....


start your engines.


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Short And Simple, To The Point..
Edicus Tried Too Hard.. To Force
Rhymes And Make It Seem More
Complex Than It Needed To BE
But What He Lacked In Experience
Deacon Lacked In Length. Deacon
Had An Alright Verse, But Was Not
As Good As Suicide's...

Vote: Suicide Edicus

Thnx ....Its not forcin tho, ...but thnx for the feedback ,..now i know the aspects i can work on...cuz its nor forced, writin, ..but it looks like that, ..but ill try to work on , ..it so people, ..dont think its forced...^^preciated...

Edicious's verse did seem more deep
Deacon yours was original and cool
I think edicious did take this one
I generally preferred reading his verse
Also it flowed and raised better aspects
of the topic.. Pz

Vote-Suicide Edicious

^^ I just love jackin peoples steeze.. lol