My future: heaven or hell?

As I wake up just like every other day/
a beautiful morning in May, wonderin whats on tap for today/
I enter the shower in my huge ass home/
i start to hear the phone, but i cant get it, im wonderin y im alone/
im rich and famous, but i still cant get a wife/
what is it they dont like, i have the wonderful dream life/
i go to my car but i forgot my key for bein the successor/
im startin to realize my life is lesser, so i went over and grabbed my glock off the dresser/
I realized my life is goin down the wrong path/
entered my car to see my other half, the only other person who matteed do the math/
i entered th studio to visit the rest of my crew/
it consisted of me and jeremy who needs a few, grabbed the mic andexited my life/
so yea i recorded hits but my life was only half filled/
my life was dirty water needed to be distilled, i had enemies but i never wanted to get killed/
i walked back out of the door when i was done/
i enjoyed rapping, i had loads of fun, i walked to my car and guy was waitin for me wit a gun/
i was scared shit less now that i was facin doom/
i hoped my life wouldnt end soon, i went for my glock but his gun explodd wit a BOOM/
i awaked with a start cause it was all a dream/
i still had no crew, no team, nothin had been what it had seemed/
when im famous i wont get killed, but continually spit ether/
ima find a crew and be the leader, and im goin to keep spittin till i hear my shit comin out of the speaker

yo that shit was iight it has quality and quality.
respect
.................D

yo ill drop i never read your stuff but now that i have i wil;l be looking for more no doubt twin

yeh im agreeing with word perfect on this, this was an ill drop, nice stuff, your vocab and ryhme is safe, nice work.

Favorite Lines:

As I wake up just like every other day/
a beautiful morning in May, wonderin whats on tap for today/
I enter the shower in my huge ass home/
i start to hear the phone, but i cant get it, im wonderin y im alone/
im rich and famous, but i still cant get a wife/
what is it they dont like, i have the wonderful dream life/
i go to my car but i forgot my key for bein the successor/
im startin to realize my life is lesser, so i went over and grabbed my glock off the dresser/

That was a crazy introduction, off the mic dawg..

Peace. Geo.

didnt like how you ended it. sorry. i used to end all my storys in elementary school like that. i know you can do better. aside from that it was pretty good.

"my life was dirty water needed to be distilled" <-Fav. line.

i thought this was a pretty ill,good imagry,aiight vocab,good structure,nicely laid out,a good topic,and you stayed on point,it had some tight twists in it.keep spittin.~1~

I think this verse was pretty sick, You used aspects of your life, thats what I like to see in verses. Well the vocabulary was broadly used and the Multis were pretty Ill. You had everything in there, but I would still say It need some Working on.

But overall, this verse was a good post, I'd like to see some more of this out of you. You have true Talent.

I realized my life is goin down the wrong path/
entered my car to see my other half, the only other person who matteed do the math/
i entered th studio to visit the rest of my crew/
it consisted of me and jeremy who needs a few, grabbed the mic andexited my life/
so yea i recorded hits but my life was only half filled/
my life was dirty water needed to be distilled, i had enemies but i never wanted to get killed/

Those are the Lines I liked out of this verse.

^^^thanx for postin, i appreciate that. keep em comin

peace.....

didnt like it at all...
(no offense)
but try 2 work on wordplay, and structure

yo does anyone else have somethin to say bout this? im just lookin for feedback, so hook me up please.

this was ill.. and when i mean ill i mean good.. STAY UP

I thought this was pretty good-
i think you could up the wordplay alittle bit though
prolly throw in a dash more vocabulary also