My Birthday: A Tale Of Misfortions...

This Is Just A Piece I Keystyled In 15 Minutes About A Month Ago, I Thought I'd Drop It And Gather Some Constructive Thoughts...
Note: Twist Ending

It's That Special Time Of Year, When Everyone Is There Just For You, They Cheer...
Celebrate With Drinks Of Beer, But Out There Is A Deadly Killer That Leers...
Quick Feers, Hands On Glocks, You Might Aswell Compare Me To The Second Hand Of A Clock...
When It's Your Time, Thats All It Will Take For Past Memories And Sorrowed Thoughts...
Check My Plots, Your Sinking In A Sea Of Trouble, Body Doubles Are Your Only Hope...
You Literaly Have No Chance For Survival, You'll Be Dead Soon Anyways Like The Pope...
Lope All You Want, You Know What This Is Coming Down Too, Listen Closely To The Sounds...
Heart-Beats Are Racing, Pulses Are Chacing, Suddenly Darkness Falls And Your Found...
Your Body-Pounds, Unfortunatly Know Ones Around, To Here Your Cries For A Plee...
Chest-Bursts, Blood Rushes And Pain-Intenses From Your Blood Running On The Street...
No One Can See The Deep Gashes Of Your Skin, You Feel Like Your Whole Torsoe Has Been Chested-In...
You Think Of Evil-Sins That Brought This Upon You, And Realize Your Almost Fin...
Hindering Spirits Arise Over Your Carcase Seemingly To Take Your Soul Away...
You Think To Yourself How Could One Do Such A Thing On Such A Presidented Day, Your Birthday...
Diseased And Decayed Is How Your Body Lays, Your Mind Thinks Back And Tries To Get On Track...
You Now Realize It Wasnt Your Story-Telling Killer, Just Yourself Giving In To A Heart-Attack...

Er, you don't bleed when having a heart attack.

But yeah, though there are some rough edges. Some off points. overall the piece was good. The overall essence was of a light darkness.

Flowed fairly well. Imagery was strong. The points were made.

..resp...

er....misfortune...no past tense....
oO~Misfortunate Situations~Oo

~Varento~
Er, you don't bleed when having a heart attack

that just about fucked up your freestyle....
so the fake imagery was there....not fake...

the false imagery was on point and your
vocab wasnt standout but shit its a keystyle

unfortunately the facts werent precise.

As everyone said heart attack killed but I actually want to let you know just take criticism as fuel to flip it on them..
Anyways I thought it was real deep piece and I actually like the flow although there were some pauses but in poetry there is nothing writen.. Mad Props...


Anyways I wrote another piece called spiritual not as deep as Not a Man ~ Eating me Inside but I would like your feedback/comments/pointers/criticism what ever you have to say thanks!! Keep up the poetry

why are books of poetry published then?

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