Grandfather Clock

[Twas A Topical Battle Vs Mad Mad]

Tik Tik ..

. . . Everything Has A Story To Tell,
But Not The Time To Express It..
. . . But Grandfather Has Time On Hands,
To Teach Us A Lesson..
. . . Grandfather Was A Quiet One,
Kept Everything Locked Inside..
. . . But Grandfather Had The Power,
To Make Events Arise ..
. . . Never Mourning When Death Arose,
Never Suprised When Times Changed..
. . . Tik, Tik, Tik The Only Words Spoken,
When Around Him Conversation Aranged..
. . . Time Is Money,
Grandfather Was Filthy Rich ..
. . . Spent The Fortune On Life,
Not Knowing That He Controled It..
. . . When Time's Were Rough,
He Always Held The Upper-hand..
. . .Seconds, Hours, Minutes Passed,
But No One Would Understand..
. . .Grandfather wasn't Worthless,
The Lesson He Tought Was This..
. . . There's A Time For Everything,
But He's The Only One That Knew It..

Theres' One More Lesson He Taught,
Learned This After Long..
Even After I Died, You Died,
Time Still Goes On..

Now this was perty nice jay...Very Well written, enjoyed, it, not too long, just good amount, got everything across nicely, what was the topic..Grandfather Clock?? Nice piece...

...........Pz............

Uppin for Jae. . . you know my opinion on this. Dope as fuck.

Yup .. UP

this was nice .... i think the finish was the best part... good flow... was hopin for it to be longer .. enjoyed the read .. stay up n droppin `1

i'll give a 7 fo effort

^ok, rookie.

I remember this, the beginning of H2F... believe it or not, I lost.

good drop , nice flow and not too long like other open mics are all in all 6/10.

--[Flow]---
You had a kinda unexplainable unique flow goin on here...i liked it...had a more sort of poetic feel to it, but nevertheless, i read it was a rap piece and it had the depth to sound dope both ways...lol...rhyme scheme was consistant and made the piece keep it's fluently throughout.

--[Vocab]--
You had some nice lines in here because of this...i can't really complain...you certainly showed your ability to add vocab in there, while at the same time making it mean something...not just adding it to make your rhymes look complex..:

". . . Never Mourning When Death Arose,
Never Suprised When Times Changed..
. . . Tik, Tik, Tik The Only Words Spoken,
When Around Him Conversation Aranged.."

--[Concept]--
Concept....what can i say..lol....it was first of all original...not seen anything like it done be4 on open mic, and 2nd of all you had some mad imagry in there...it really made me connnect with what you were saying..liked the way you compared the 'clock' to an actual person (thats what i picked up anyway..lol)...was some mad dopeness...

--[Overall]--
Even though it was short, it defiently had meaning and really kept me wanting to read more at the end...lol....one of the best pieces i've seen on OM this month...most deserved...4.8/5...hope you won the topical..lol.

i take it you wanted some more feedback?..
this was up ages ago....
anyway
good concept..i remember this from awhile back when i read it
for a short pievce you managed to create an impact..often hard to do
you incorporated some word play in as well...like time on his hands ...filthy rich etc
good touches
flow was actually a little rocky in a few spots...but it didnt affect my read
good insightful verse...worth reading again

Wow..this is so old..lol..it's at the bottom of O.M legends..

This was pretty decent. It flowed very well. I like the concept. Seemed more like a poem, but it was pretty ill. Keep up the good work.

do not up threads that are this old. this goes to you undead. you didn't even up it with a good reply. assmunch.