PAVONIA vs Onceawhile[Pavonia wins 5-0]

5 barz
Due in 48 hours

@PAVONIA @Onceawhile


Good luck bruh

check

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...70#post8689070


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...Open-For-Votes


Lets do it man...good luck

Onceawhile is an off-course Hailey's Comet...ready to plow your verse then lay Pavement on it
It's plain ironic, obvious, that geologists will find your lame text concepts on play'd tectonics
You disgrace RB, you brought shame and diss Honour upon us
That's why your verse will get judged harshly; his sentences will make him a goner I promise
Battlin' me chump? I'll shatter your trunk, turn your lower half to a tree stump
You don't how gladdened this leaves Once, like Satan watching Adam and Eve hump
This kid slept on me like a slumber party, cuz he's pillow fights-
we get tired of your soft blows, thinking you deadened me when I've killed your will to write
This'll be the 2nd time you get 2nd-placed, it's time hour battle ends and time you accept your fate
I'll wave you good bye, my hands will hug your throat and leave your neck embraced.

Links:
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...=1#post8689102

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...=1#post8689257

Ayo...

Smash ur frail verse, bro its got to be bad...
Cuz your 'shits' just a Waste, like used colonoscopy bags!
You joined in 2010 still no wins? Homie I'll derail your lines...
Just a matter of time, I'll do in less then 1 year that you failed in 5!!
Its a fuckin crime, your name? Its a bit bizarre...
Cuz I'll read 'Once' then shred'em like every birthday card!!
This bitch aint hard! He aint the aggressor to brawl..
Ironically 'Once-a-While' has punches that land never at all!!
We battle again? Shit you'll die tragically...
Cuz I'll knock'em down more times that it'll defy gravity!!

Oceawhile: ROFL I thought I mentioned this to u many of times before to try & shorten up your bars??? Well keep trying bro cause in this battle everything really was stretched.. So with that being said it was another hard read from you. None of your punchers were executed correctly & I wasn't feeling really anything.

Vs

Pavonia: This was an okay read compared to onceawhile but you gotta come with harder punches bro.. Although I did like that "1 year that you failed in 5" bar. The wording was precise and not choppy so that's always good. Solid read I guess when finishing I just happened to not enjoy almost half of your punches.

Vote: Pavonia for a cleaner read, better punches.. Better wording.. It was a better everything in this battle


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Once

Onceawhile is an off-course Hailey's Comet...ready to plow your verse then lay Pavement on it
It's plain ironic, obvious, that geologists will find your lame text concepts on play'd tectonics
the multi rhyme scheme here was dope the punch as a whole didn't have a lot of impact to me though

You disgrace RB, you brought shame and diss Honour upon us
That's why your verse will get judged harshly; his sentences will make him a goner I promise
again not a very hard punch this had no sting

Battlin' me chump? I'll shatter your trunk, turn your lower half to a tree stump
You don't how gladdened this leaves Once, like Satan watching Adam and Eve hump
more of a statement bar

This kid slept on me like a slumber party, cuz he's pillow fights-
we get tired of your soft blows, thinking you deadened me when I've killed your will to write
ok punch again not hard

This'll be the 2nd time you get 2nd-placed, it's time hour battle ends and time you accept your fate
I'll wave you good bye, my hands will hug your throat and leave your neck embraced.
setup was stretched but overall direct hit

U have concepts down man u just need to work on making them hit harder with more impact just the finishers were too soft for me

Pavonia

Smash ur frail verse, bro its got to be bad...
Cuz your 'shits' just a Waste, like used colonoscopy bags!
played metaphore

You joined in 2010 still no wins? Homie I'll derail your lines...
Just a matter of time, I'll do in less then 1 year that you failed in 5!!
ok personal jab

Its a fuckin crime, your name? Its a bit bizarre...
Cuz I'll read 'Once' then shred'em like every birthday card!!
ok cool nameplay flip

This bitch aint hard! He aint the aggressor to brawl..
Ironically 'Once-a-While' has punches that land never at all!!
bit basic of a nameplay hit

We battle again? Shit you'll die tragically...
Cuz I'll knock'em down more times that it'll defy gravity!!
ok

Well u had better attempts ur wording is good ur bars are nice n structured. u just need to come off more harder of execution

V/Pavonia I thought he the better attempts and a little more consistency

Opener


Vs

Matter of time, birthday card

Bland battle here. Both were pretty generic. Wasn't feeling once's verse at all. Opener was meh. I gave him that but it was light. Pav has the right idea and wording is good but needs to develop fresher concepts. Shit bar has been played since 99. Never at all was aight. Jab at best. But I got pav with more quotes here

Vote pav

Once:
Bar one- The wordplay of plate/played tectonics doesn't work. Played Tectonics doesn't make sense. I like the concept you were aiming for, but you stretched the metaphor too thin.
Bar two- The courtroom wordplay was cool, the punch was a bit weak
Bar three- This bar was garbage. I don't know a more polite way to put it.
Bar four- Punchline doesn't connect to the setup.
Bar five- I'm not getting the our/hour play, unless it was just a mistake. I assume hands represent hands on a clock but there is something lost in the ether. Are the hands chocking 2'oclock? Confusing bar.


Pav:
Bar one- All shit is waste, so the emphasis is unnecessary. Not a very strong opening.
Bar two- It's than not then, and that you failed in five is terrible wording.
Bar three- This bar was okay, I don't know who shreds birthday cards though.
Bar four- Best bar of the battle. Nice nameplay
Bar five- Weak closer, punch disconnected from setup

Weak battle overall
V/ Pav

Need votes on this

once had decent multis but nothing connected, his wording was all over the place and concept choice was lacking which made for no direction or impact in his bars.


pav had some played concepts, decent execution and some pretty off wording but all in all was more direct and hard hitting that once.

not really anything quotable through out but i have pav getting the dub due to being more direct and having a couple bars that landed.

pavonia GMV