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@Art.
@Lenox
TOPICS
Without The Wind
Vindication Of Violence
The Stories In Her Songs
SONGS
John Legend - ALl Of Me
3 Doors Down - Here without you
PHOTO
http://sarcasticcharm.com/wp-content...ictures211.jpg
Bonjour
Yessir
http://tapatalk.imageshack.com/v2/14...a65f42fe68.jpg
Life seems to back stab me at every chance I get.... Every chance I embrace... Every chance I find.. It's all over now....
The Justice system structures my untouchable wisdom,
Guns busting the substance that constructs the villains,
Abduction victims getting jumped by the publics interest,
Demonstrating to the people on how to forget the critics,
Kids neglected and hated ending up on 60 minutes,
Disrespected for my of lack age and logistics,
Shaping the way I live for my patience and persistence,
Sacred scriptures found in space where you paint perfect pictures,
Slumped and fumbled my family to a corrupt society,
Thugs making an abundance for their drug dynasty,
Buying pills in a variety to stop my anxiety,
The governments reeling us in sense were used as bait,
Only god feels my pain but then why is he choosing are fate?
Drinking just to get a buzz out of metal jugs,
My parents gave me knowledge but never love,
I'd like to raise my children to be stronger then I ever was,
Poetry portrays my future and what I should learn from the past,
Happiness is just a word but they said It was certain to last,
Make you vanish from my raps on arrival,
Rolling with kids on acid reading the satanic bible,
Every great knowledgable man was my idol,
Till my mind was transferred to an island,
I had to fight my own conscious for survival,
My life was considered fucking shit from the start,
A psycho, I'll grab a knife and rip out your heart,
My rhymes are opened portals swallowing lifeless entities,
Like the oracle and mysterious vanishing of flight 370,
Never mention me cause all the hype is getting bolder,
And the holes of hope are closing so my life might be over
http://sarcasticcharm.com/wp-content...ictures211.jpg
Here Without You
By Art
Slowly rewind, pause, frozen in time.
Flaws soberly line ,the loneliest mind.
Jaws opening wide, just moping inside,
frost, the coldest of lies, may slowly arise…
..As i gaze through the glass, i see our place in the past,
its so amazing i laugh, thought our greatness would last
but our patience so fast was soley replaced with this wrath
and that amazing soft laugh changed into a hate and a gasp.
Slowly my life, was frozen in ice
love eroded and spiked, broken and sliced,
my noblest wife, left me openly twice
cheated, supposedly like, loading the dice
My heart trapped in a rock , part of me cracked on the spot
arteries would flatten and clot, All of me snapped into shock
pardon me, you acted like calling me back was a lot
but it was factually not, for you i would have actually stopped…
..Noticed and read, signs you openly said
Sighs were bogus instead, lies were overly dead
At times was moping in bed cry holding my breath
Cause love is the image I'm trying to get rid of thats froze in my head…
So I wait for a sign, one day at a time..
Heart pain still inside feel it breaking my spine.
Ice cold, wonder every day how I'm staying alive,
but the warm memory of your love..
…..will always have its place in my mind
…I Still Love You...
-
bump. it up
rise.
This wasn't a bad read. Arts flow was way more on point on his topic. Loved it. Lenox flow was ok at best. I also think art did a better detailed job with his piece. Yeah get a better sense of imagery reading his. I think Lenox was on and off different topics in his piece where as Art remained more consistent. I'm not a topical head by any means so feel free not to count my vote. I saw this getting slept on n said fuck it but....
Vote Art
1-0 Art
Up
Lenox impressed me to begin with, very consistent flow until you got towards the middle and it got a little choppy. Overall, a relatable written but lacked a twist that could engage me as a reader. I suggest developing a timeline before you begin writing and focus more on a imaginative story instead of a one dimensional thought process.
Art, as usual a true artist. The imagery was vivid and strong, the use of consistent suggestion points painted a detailed picture while you maintained an emotional yet relatable sense of urgency and devastation. Great read..
Needless to say, Art took this hands down with his experience and ability to capture my attention while delivering relatable emotion.
Vote - Art
Thx Mr admin ya fag
Upping for more credible voters
@Fresh forget it. Just give art the win. It's been 4 weeks
Lenox, you started off strong and was headed in the right direction but then fell flat in my opinion. It kinda upset me because your drop had so much potential behind it. Flow wise it was a tad bit over the place, the beginning was strong then it's like you couldn't keep up the pace of the flow. It wasn't terrible just not as Good as you started off if you could've maintained the flow you could've possibly stole the win here. The story concept was pretty basic in my opinion I feel you should have gave the reader more of complexity scheme but I know your still new to this. Overall you have the chance to be great.
Art, your drop was just way more polished than his. It was clear who was the more skilled writer here. Where as he lacked some imagery your drop had it. Also I like the way you approached the topic. You just overall had better aspects of writing compared to Lenox which is why you get my vote good job guys
Vote, Art