A Leap of Faith

http://i.imgur.com/97PRpuz.jpg

A Leap Of Faith
Taking a leap into the unknown, face in the breeze
With my heart beat racing, chasing the freedom of leaves...
Teased by the wind in autumns seasonal scenes,
Free like the teams on flying trapeze, chimpanzees...
Swinging in trees, or the Bees on the trail of nectar
One sector to the next to please Queen at their centre
Any weather, many Hectares, relentless, momentous...
Lengthy trips, cemented by the strength of the census
loyal to the temptress they'll fulfil a life sentence...
In an' out the Hives entrance, surviving and thriving
With the essence of flying high buried inside 'em
So...
I tried sky diving, hang gliding, but resemblance was minimal
Nothing close to original, despite the right visuals...
And height... so nah it wasn't permissible, nah not quite...
The literal flight I'd dreamed of at night all of my life
Since a child lit bright watching the DVD of Peter Pan...
Seeing him stand then leave the land...
...with the ease of a helium man
All the Theatre was grand, so the experience ran...
Round immediate, the head of this mischievous fan
That speedily began to believe he too could achieve this
If Pan can, I can succeed with a real wish and feel lift...
'Leave quick, off the heel, tip, on a field trip
So naive I perceived this a serious achievement
I just needed to think positive and focus on what it is...
I want to accomplish, swapping logic for sort'a the opposite
Ever the optimist and confident I could rocket away
And not drop, hit the bottom... I had moderate faith!
The day came I decided to play, 'made my way to the base...
of this Sky Scraper staircase fire escape
It was a tiring wait, climbing the zig-zag'n concrete
Perspiring and aching I made it, collapsin' from the feat
Catching my breath, set, I stepped to the edge of the ledge...
With no sense of threat, yelled "Peter.. Peter.. it's me I'm here"
"I'm coming to never land", waiting to see him appear...
I grew excited, newly hyped with frustration starting to rear
Suddenly...
Thought I could hear him nearing, peering around
With ear to the ground, tryin to hear clearly the sound...
Of what I thought was cheering and clowning about
My heart was pounding loud and pronounced
But my mind was clouded, shrouded with delusion gripped
Tipping the scales favouring J.M Barrie's unusual script
Fuelling the lit, consuming a boys void that exists
Just then...
Through the mist the Lost Boys manifested
With my brain playin' games, shouting "Peter" and restless...
I felt refreshed with expressive gestures, waving at 'em...
With frustration massing I couldn't wait for action
So leapt with my faith climaxing, BUT then it happened
Reality came crashing in!
Peter Pan doesn't have feathery limbs, beak or wings
Treachery within had left me chilled in the skin...
Somehow my mind had sinned with a crime that killed
I was blinded, tryna fulfil some kind of thrill...
I closed my eyes filled with fear, tears, ill and careering
With the pavement nearing, head now cleared and coherent...
I knew I was dead, could hear people screaming.
Pleading for God to intervene, I hit the concrete
A kid gone in one leap! bleeding out on the street...
Deceased, leaving mom feeling cheated instilled with her grief
I mean...
No parent should ever have to hear this shit from the police!






http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...ons-of-Gradeur
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...7154-Decisions
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...thepool-collab
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...quates-to-shit

says who... I've always done it, so long as its posted first in SS, its irrelevant, has no bearing on the league

Ok then dev real deep piece and ya rhyme scheme is ridiculous how well it translates.

@Cai glad I posted it now, got no-showed in SS

this was dope, I can relate to it as it matches my style of writing.. really digging the details in the actions and environment, looks like one of those pieces I could read a few times and still catch something new to like. I may leave more feed later man.

thanks man

...uppp

c'mon... to the SS heads...

get in here and leave ur comments, OR ima delete my votes on the open battles... ya heard!

I see why you got no-showed!

Your flow is unreal, never lost it throughout. Really enjoyed reading this. Your imagery and choice of vocab creates some amazing story telling, you bring an emotion that really hits home.

Brilliant writing.

Sorry it's not much feed, I'm tired and the WC is on!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by N LitEnd

Sorry it's not much feed, I'm tired and the WC is on!

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s'all good m8

Lol Dev you're wild dude.

This was ill and you know it. You have one of the most consistently dope rhyme schemes on the site and it shined through nicely here. Flowing seamlessly with your story. This is top stuff and perhaps worth a nom. Really enjoyed it Dev.

Lmao the nigga ain't have no fairy dust, that shit don't work with just happy thoughts. This was dope, you took the topic to a cool place with the whole Peter Pan, I believe I can fly shit, and the ending, to me, was hilarious. What an asshole. The flow as always was dope, you're probably one of the most consistent writers when it comes to that. This was an entertaining piece to say the least. Too bad you got no showed.

all positive feed, suggestions of nominating it, BUT alas not a glimmer...

...bitches! lmao

My fucking stupid cheap tablet is a piece of shit fucked over my detailed critique I had just typed. Loved everything about this especially the first paragraph. Favorite line;
"Leave quick, off the heel, tip, on a field trip"
The whole thing flowed impeccably although there were a couple spelling wording issues. Some of your word choices I thought were cheesy mainly the word "nah". That word just does not sound good to me in my head or out loud. Anyways props on this superb scripture, you definitely would have slaughtered your opponent with this.

This was dope, consistent rhyme schemes along with a very entertaining story. Shit was had me grinning a few times, especially towards the end. Yes, it was funny indeed. Ending was nice way to wrap it up. Overall - just a great piece. Keep it up!

^^thanks man, appreciate the words